My Crazy Big Sis

"Note this:

I'm sorry for calling you gay.

-Sincerely Ashli Johnson"

LMBO!

You're My New Addiction

Listening to "Addiction" by Jaelife.

Great song!

You can get it on the album "Eight Tracks 2 Ipods" at http://www.sacredapparelmixtapes.com/

... And many other Christian artists :)

Dancin & Singin & All That Jazz

OHHHHHH how I love to dance to a song with a fantastic beat

and excellent bass!

REALLY loud in my headphones

or just blast it in the car...

Straight up jammin!

Can ya dig it? :)

No More

"I know I wanna sin, but I've been born again"

Listening to "No More" by 116 Clique.

EXCELLENT freakin song, guys!

I would advise you to check it out especially if you're saved and struggling with the same old sin that you know you don't need.

"My love for God is greater than the lust that I offered you!"

Grrrrreat song!

I'm Goin In!

I'm trying to understand why I continue to fall.

I know that I don't have to.. Sin is no longer my master. I'm not a slave to sin according to Romans 6:14.

But have I really been set free?

Because if I were set free, then I wouldn't keep going back to this.

And it wouldn't still be a major issue in my life.

Prayers, please?

The Wedding Bed

Gosh, I never realized what an amazing gift God has given us... Sex!

It's truly amazing how a man and woman can be joined together to produce no only excitement but children as well.

I'm reading this book called "Every Young Woman's Battle" and it has really shed some light on the true meaning of sex.

A lot of people think they should be sexually experienced coming into a marriage so that you know what you're doing.

But as Shannon Ethridge explains, if you have sex before marriage, you'll compare your husband to all the other men you've had before him. God created sex for marriage so that when you do have sex, it will be with someone you are equally yoked with and you won't have to worry about comparing that person to another.

I can't wait to finish reading this book!

It makes me feel a lot better about keeping my virginity till marriage :)

I hope you all can stay encouraged to do the same!

It's no secret...

It's no secret; you admire me.

And yes, you even admitted it.

So how bout we grow up and act like it..

We're not in elementary school anymore, hun.. Not even middle school

This is HIGH school. Which means we're on a higher level of thinking and learning.

And we should be behaving on a higher level as well..

Why should I have to tell you this when you're almost a grown man?

Grow up.

Grow some balls.

And quit thinkin you're too cool for somebody.

We're just about on the same level here; might as well act like it.

Cause I most definitely have plenty other options. ;)

[... In a non-conceited way]

:)

.. James

Typing Out Every Little Thought That Pops Into My Head

... I feel bad for what I just did.
Lecrae says that the devil uses guilt. He shows us what we did and tells us we're a joke.. Well if I'm not supposed to feel guilty, then how am I gonna give God a sincere apology??
I'm tired of going through this to be quite honest with you. I don't understand why God put me in this situation or any of the ones that led to this. I just don't get how he can possibly think that I can handle this when I continue to mess up..
But maybe he knows I can't handle it... ALONE! .. Maybe God is putting me through this so that I can depend on him and become spiritually stronger..
I just wanna know what other 15 year old has to go through this.. And has had to go through it for a good 5 years...

CAN I JUST BE DONE, GOD????!?!?!?!?

To the Left, To the Left

Everything you own in a box to the left... 

And not a tear will I shed for you.. You're so not worth it.. 

But it does hurt..

I mean to be quite honest, we were never anything.. It was just stated that our feelings for each other were mutual... 

Sooo.. I just figured that the feelings we both had required some form of communication..

Even though you ignored my Happy Thanksgiving text, I, at least, expected a hi or hello when you see me in person..

7 Things- Miley Cyrus (UNofficial Video)

I Feel Like...

I feel like there's no other way to express my true feelings.

I feel like thinking about you all the time but, that always brings about tears.

I feel like the constant thinking and questioning and wondering simply cannot bring about healing!

I feel like telling you how much you hurt me but, it's one of my biggest fears.

I feel like screaming everyday since the day we broke up.

I feel like confessing my sins to the world but, that's so hard to do.

I feel like all hope is gone and I should just give up.

I feel like thinking about how it was when I was with you..

But no. You hurt me; I never told you, but you did.

And wait. You're such a jerk but only because you're still a kid.

So..... On days when I feel like crying and I feel that inside I'm dying

What do I do?

Said I Wasn't Goin Back... Well....

I did it.. I went back.. I went back to the very thing that set out to kill me..

And I am so ashamed.

Every Time I Tried to Leave...

... Something kept pulling me back... It was so hard..

And now that I've been delivered from the situation, the devil's tryna pull me right back into it..

It's even harder this time than it was before.. The thoughts "Well I haven't done it in a while; it couldn't hurt just to go back once..." keep popping up in my brain...

It's difficult.. So prayers, please...

C.R.U.S.H. :)

Sooo...  It's UNANIMOUS.... I've got a crush... A secret admiration..

First one since Ahmad... :P

His name makes me sick, now.. It has since the day we broke up though...

Haha..

And I thought I'd never move on.. Lol.

And I have a crush :) Muah ha ha ha!

Saved (Poem by Yours Truly)

I'm saving my anger because I know it's not worth the pain

I'm saving the Word in my heart for a day when I know it'll rain

I'm saving my virginity for my husband, when he is true

I'm saving all the drama for with it, I won't make it through

I'm saving myself from all the heartaches that I know will come with corrupt friendships

I'm saving my heart for the man I love. Won't give it away in petty relationships

I'm saving all the actions-without-though and, instead, following the paths that God has paved

Because once Christ came into my heart everything was saved.

Broken Promises, Broken Up, Broken Hearted

So... Ahmad and I broke up... I can't say that I've ever cried after ANY breakup before EVER.... Until now..
I guess I just need to let it go for now.. It's so hard, though. I just knew we'd be together for a long time, if not forever.. But I guess that was just one of my teenage fantasies.. Maybe one day in the future we'll be something again...
That's something that I would like to pray for but, since we just broke up last night, I think I should just pray for healing right now..
We were great friends before we got together though.. He's hilarious.. But I can't say that I don't have any hard feelings toward him. I have a TON of hard feelings just because that's my personality..
After a relationship, usually my first emotion is anger.. But not always.. I think just because it's him and I put a lot into that relationship...
So what did we learn?
Save your heart for someone who deserves it. I'm not giving my heart out to anyone else unless they decide to give me theirs, too! Then maybe I won't hurt so much after my next breakup..
Haha.. "Teenage Love Affair" by Alicia Keys comes to mind... Because I think this is the deepest I've ever been with anyone..
And after typing all this, I don't think I have as many hard feelings as before... :)

THIS Mad.....

YOU make me THIS MAD!!! You make me so mad I can't even think straight... I can't stop thinking about how MAD you freakin make me!!

I just don't understand how you can be such a butthead.... I just can't stand you anymore.... And I want to scream and cry like the image above because of how upset I am at you..

I guess I just let my heart go too soon... I guess I let my guards down for you when I always promised to never do such a thing... And it really upsets me that you're hurting me and you don't even know it.. 

Degrassi: The Boiling Point- Adam/Gracie

Ok, so before a couple of days ago I hadn't watched Degrassi in a LONG time; I wasn't very fond of the new characters! I hate when shows change from their original characters. Blah! But.... After watching it the other day, I realized that Degrassi still goes there.
And I mean that's great because that's why I always loved the show in the first place! But, Adam (AKA Gracie), the transvestdite, definitely got me thinking a lot about my views on this certain issue. Her parents and peers at school didn't accept her lifestyle and that, I believe, is definitely wrong. But, at the same time, I can't say that they won't accept her for who she is because really that's not who she is. . . 
I'm still trying to understand my own opinion on this situation. I, as a Christian, believe that God didn't make any mistakes. He definitely made Gracie to be a girl. Somewhere along the lines I guess she just got confused about her sexuality, identidy, and gender. While I am absolutely against that lifestyle choice (being a transvestdite), I definitely can understand where she's coming from.
As I have mentioned before, growing up is SOOOOO HARD and teens may question their sexuality. But I do believe that God made man to be with woman and that's how it should be. It's okay to get confused sometimes but, you gotta get back on the right track with God.
That's just my opinion and I guess you don't really hear a lot about Christianity in Degrassi. Well not since Darcy's been off the show.
But anyway, let me know what your thoughts are on this topic! I'm still sort of debating on mine :)

Doubts

I've been saved by grace through faith but, God knows I still have my doubts.
Can God hear my prayers even though I still sin? Can he hear my helpless shouts?
If my sin died with Christ then why I am still sinning? Shouldn't God take care of all that?
Why does temptation continue to come my way? How do I know God's glory is a fact?
Is it normal for me to not want to read my Bible, though I know I should be reading it daily?
Do other Christians go through this stage of uncertainty? Or am I just going crazy?
I bring all these questions to God and I wait and wait for God's reply. . .
After waiting and waiting for oh so long, I begin to wonder. . . Where is thee Most High?

"Andrea, I hear you. You must be patient; have I not been patient with you?
No matter the situation- all the lies and addictions- have I not seen you through?
I go days without hearing from you, but wait patiently for a simple call.
But you come to me in trouble and immediately I must drop all?
Remember that I'm always with you and will love you no matter what.
You have to know I'm always there. To you my doors will never be shut.
You have to trust me because chose you for everything I've thrown at you.
I'm holding it all in the palm of my hand, everything you're going through.
And it is ok every now and then to have a few doubts
But remember I am your father and I am going to bring you out"

Happy Happy Happy! :D

Lemme just start by saying.... God has been OH so very good to me lately! I mean not just lately, but I'm  really startin to appreciate his grace and mercy! He's delivered me from so much lately and he's been opening my eyes to see a lot of new things! I'm so very happy to be a child of God right now! I love him! :)