We're SUPER Cool

That guy that I hated.. That guy that I used to like a lot and he liked me a lot.. The guy that I almost dated.. The guy that I talked to for like two days.. That guy that I couldn't seem to get over.. He's my buddy again :) And I love him again.
And things are just like before... only better :)

life, LIfe, LIFE!

:(
It just seems like life was so much simpler when I was a kid..
Because when I was a kid and a family member had a terminal illness or an illness at all, I never knew it.
When I was a kid and the economy was bad, I never knew the difference.
When I was a kid I could just breeze through life unaffected by any drama... Or if I were a dog, then I could breeze through life and get old and still not worry.
Yeah. Kids and dogs got it easy...

Maybe I'm Just PMSing..

I'm not exactly sure.. But I think I hate you.

That is all.

Can We Fix It?

It's always good to be optimistic and have a positive outlook on life... But what if you've wronged a friend a few times? And what if you've wronged that friend a few times too many? See I have a best friend that is very kind and forgiving. And I've never argued with a best friend until this one.. But every time we argue I'm the one in the wrong.. And I don't like that.. It feels like I'm a terrible friend and I'm taking advantage of her kindness. But that's not the case- I know it's not! I believe that I'm an appreciative person..
*sighs*
I don't fear that I will lose her friendship, because we're such good friends. But I don't want to continue to unintentionally mistreat my best friend and get away with it..
So how do I fix things? I'm not really sure. But I'm starting to think that maybe this whole "best friends" thing is for the birds..

That Ex

Soooo you are never gonna guess who I saw at Walmart yesterday! Well, maybe you will guess because of the title of this post.. Well anyway, I saw him!! I saw the ex that I spent months getting over! I saw that ex that I just knew I'd be with forever! And despite all the weirdness that went along with it, I think I'm gonna be OK. :)

Oh What Joy

Oh what joy it would bring me if only we could be..
We could be free to flee from every entity in thee universe
So here's a verse from me to you just to disperse my woe for us two
Yes us-you and I... A girl can only try so hard to hide and fight back. But pride
always gets me. It gets me right when I feel I'm free. I sense a hint of something else that should inhibit me..
But we...
Man we could be something great! What we have here is fate or maybe destiny...
Whatever it be, it's hindering me.. I think it's a force that hates divorce and sorrow and pain and covers me from the rain.. The storm through which I could go if I followed my own soul
This force tells me, see, that you're not the one for me.. But I'm not sure if this force is saying "not now" or "not ever".. Whatever the weather, my eyes see my wants and my heart cries forever!
... Anyhow and any way that it's possible to say.. Love could be our fate if we just ran away..
Disobedience would be the case if we agreed to that race... But I say we remain pure in the eyes of the one who can cure any disease, because I'm uneasy when I see that I am not yours...
And though I want so badly to be..
I must be obedient to THEE.

Define Fun.

So I was just making some brownies with my sister a second ago and after putting the mix into the oven, I indulged in the sweet chocolatiness of the batter that was left in the bowl.. As I was doing this, I remembered being younger and finding this part of the brownie-making process to be the absolute best and I found it to be completely fun using my fingers and tongue to clean every inch of the bowl. This time I used a small spoon to clean the bowl and it made me wonder why I even found it to be fun using my hands and mouth before...
It's funny how our minds can take us from one thought to another and the two thoughts may not even be closely related. Anyhow, I realized that a lot of the "fun" things I used to do when I was younger I probably not consider to be fun anymore. When I was younger, I would think that the fun things I saw people doing on TV were truly fun. I would see kids laughing and having a good time with their friends in fun pillow fights. But when I had an actual pillow fight, it was not fun at all. I would see sisters making brownies in the kitchen and getting messy, but having a good time.. Making brownies has never been that way for me.. So maybe it's just the way "fun" is portrayed in the media that makes life less enjoyable.. Maybe that's why making brownies has never been fun to me, but instead it was just baking..
... Or maybe my fun is just a different kind of fun.

Zzz...

Lately I've been going to bed pretty late and consequently, waking up late as well. But last night I went to bed on time...ish. I was in bed at about midnight which is early for me.. So as soon as I get home today I am nappin my butt off! :)

... Kinda like that :)

We're Cool

Let's just say that for now, we're cool. We're alright as friends.. We've gone back to being secret admirers and never anything more.. And while I was OK with this before, I'm not sure how I feel about it now. Because now I know for sure that you're into me and you know for sure that I'm into you. I just don't see a point in us wasting these feelings that we have for each other when these feelings don't happen very often. There aren't very many guys like you and there aren't very many girls like me, I would assume. So why should we let this like that we have for each other be wasted? Because you're going off to college in two years? Because you don't want to deal with a break up? Because you don't know if you can handle a long distance relationship?
Well, I think those are sucky reasons. All of them. I want you... And you want me.. So why not go for it??

My, You've Changed!

And at first it was for the better. But now things have definitely taken a turn for the worst. A turn down memory lane. Why must we go this route again? It only brings about  humiliation and shame and slander to those who can say that they've vouched for your name... Now... I just feel ashamed that I let my heart get away again. And I trusted in something with clearly no fame for ever being honest or real, but vain. It's sad, so true how I found you to be one of the only ones left of the few. But now it's coo cause I see you for who is you and what you do.
My, my, my, you've changed,  dear friend. I just hope and pray that you'll get back on track again.

ForgetfulL

I guess I just forget how silly I can be
that when I would start to think, I'd get excited about you and me.
I guess I just forgot that when I get that spot
in the middle of my tummy to let it go before it rots
I guess I was forgetting how crazy that thought was
that one day you and I could ever have something like love
Silly me.. Because of how forgetfulL I can be
When I forget sometimes that you're only sixteen.
How forgetfulL of me; "Oh how embarrassed she must be
to set her feelings free and not have anything to receive."
That's what they must say bout forgetfulL little me
When they see just how crazy I was about we.

With These Hands I Shall Hold YOU ;)

Sooooo it wasn't anything super special.. But for a short while today, that guy and I held hands. :) It was BEAUTIFUL!

If All Else Fails....

Seems like lately nothing is going right for me.. *Siiiiigh* Right now I just need to type out all of these crazy emotions before I LOSE MY MIND! :( First of all, I lost my purity ring.. I don't mean that I had sex, but I physically LOST my ring.. I usually put it in my sports bra during volleyball practice and after practice it was no longer there.. So, now I am purity ring-less. Second, I left my favorite TJ Maxx jacket at a volleyball game at Wyandotte. That, I believe, I will never get back. Because when's the next time I'm gonna be at Wyandotte? And just yesterday when I finally remembered to bring home my outfit for Women's Ensemble, I left it in the gym after practice. And when I went to go back and get it today, it wasn't there. So, it feels like my life as a whole is just SOL. Completely. And I like to think that this is an almost perfect world where people return the things that they find or at least turn them in to the lost and found, but it's not looking like that's how the world operates.. It's lookin more like it's the exact opposite and that this world is far from perfect.. I just don't know what to do now.. The lady in the office told me to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead me to my lost items.. So now that all else has failed in epic fashion, that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Please pray, guys.

All I Ever Wanted Was to Act on My Attractions

Hay, Bloggies! Boy have I got some news for YOU! :D I haven't really spoken about this guy in a loooooooong time, but remember when I told you all about one of my ex's best friends that I was TOTALLY attracted to and he gave me his number and that we were texting?? :) Well.... This post has A LOT to do with him. :)

I'll begin my story at the homecoming dance. I went with my best friend and we both looked stunning, by the way! This is a pic of us before the dance:

So anyway, at the dance was the guy that I'm sort of attracted to. After deciding in my mind a few months ago that he didn't like me back, I just accepted the fact that we would only be friends, so I had a blast with him at homecoming! We danced a few times and had an overall great time! And by the end of the night, I was totally checkin him out a lot more than I had been in the past few months.

Anyway, after homecoming he sent me a text saying that he had a great time and that I was beautiful and I was thinking "aww how sweet!" But because I thought that he didn't like me in that way, I didn't think much of the sweet text. But the next day, he confessed that he'd been attracted to me all along! :D I was soooooo happy!

But...

Now I'm not sure what's supposed to happen.. I mean I don't understand why he decided to tell me this now... Because he hasn't really made any moves yet.. If he even will. I know that I'm not a very patient person and that's something that I'm working on, so maybe I should just wait.. But I feel like he had to have a reason for telling me now.. Anyway, I'm just really happy that he told me! But I also feel kind of weird now that I know.. I feel like maybe he's expecting me to act some sort of way now, even though he said he doesn't want things to get weird between us.. :D

Wish me luck with this one, guys! From what I know about him, he's a pretty great guy! And because I was able to allow myself to get comfortable with him and become friends with him, he and I are pretty close :) I love that guy.. But in a friendly way. :) Yup... Sure do!

HELP!!!!

Ok, so I'm taking an algebra 2 class.. And I wanna cry.. It's so HARD! :(

Get Focused!

Hay, bloggies! So I told you guys that I made the varsity volleyball team this year. So this is like my year! I should be killing, blocking, and digging the ball every chance I get, right? So, what's wrong with me? Every time I get out there on the court, I think too darn much. My coach and my teammates tell me that I need to stop thinking and just react, but even when I think that I'm doing that, I end up with 9 errors in one match... :-\
Soooooo... I just don't know what to do.. I know I have all the mechanics and the potential to be a great volleyball player... But.. Why can't I just live up to that potential?
I'm still working on it, guys.. So please just pray for me! It'd be SOOOOO GREATLY appreciated!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

So, I asked my friend if he was going to homecoming this year and he told me probably not. :( This is one of my good guy friends and so I was like 'Why not?' His response is that he has waaaaay too many memories and his only explanation for that lame excuse was that girls just wanna have fun.

And so I got to thinking, is this really true?

I mean, I've seen it first hand that many high school girls are all about having a good time and so are a lot of high school guys, too. At homecoming last year, there was a lot of twerking, as to be expected, by many wild girls and lots of other kinds of wild dancing. But is it fair to say that all girls only wanna have fun?? I think not.

As I've learned recently about myself, I'm a very focused and driven girl. When I set my mind on something, I must accomplish the task at hand with flying colors. I hate not being the best at something. So when my friend said that all girls just wanna have fun, I was totally offended by this.

Of course, I do love a good time. But a good time can be perceived in many different ways by different people. For instance, fun to me can be as simple as the picture below....

But other girls can see fun as being something close to this image....

Either way, the statement "all girls just wanna have fun" is totally invalid.. However, if you remove a single word, the revised statement could have some truth value ;)

Girls just wanna have fun :)

She's So WEIRD!

Why is it that everywhere I go in all stages of life, people always tell me that I'm weird? I remember in elementary school people would always tell me that I was weird.. Not a lot of people were jumping up and down to be friends with me because of this. And now I'm in high school and MANY people have told me that their first impression of me was that I'm weird. Why is that exactly? I'm a little unsure...

And after asking some people why they thought this about me, I've learned that it's because I'm always happy.. Or because I skip down the hall sometimes.. Or because I like holding hands with people.. Or even because I would talk to almost ANYONE. And after hearing all this, I reflect on my behavior and yes, all this is true. But does that make me weird?


Does it really make me a weird person because I'm always happy or am I just a high-spirited person? Do I have to be called weird because I like to skip around places or can I just have a lot of energy? Do I have to be classified as a weirdo because I hold hands with a lot of people? Or can I just be a touchy person? Maybe there are people with only a few of those traits but not all of them.. And me having all of them makes me weird. So weird to the point where some people "can't stand" me. Or so weird that no one wants to talk to me, but instead talk about me.

But the funny thing is that if I knew a girl like me I would jump at the chance to talk to her because I've never met anyone comparable. :)

I Got Over It ;)

Hay, bloggies! As I promised, I am posting about the story of how I got over the ex that I "loved so much." :)  So sit back, relax, grab a snack maybe and read on.... :)

Background Info
So, as you all know, that guy and I were together for three months. Actually, we broke up on September 8th, which is coming up pretty soon! :) That was the longest relationship I'd ever been in, just in case you guys didn't know that already. I typically would get tired of my boyfriends after about two weeks once the infatuation period was over. But this guy [we'll call him AAA] was different for some reason and this reason was unknown to me. Recently, I've realized that it was solely physical attraction. AAA had a great sense of humor as well, but he sucked as a boyfriend in a long-distance relationship. If both of us had been on the same page and maybe communicated a little bit better, we probably would've lasted longer. But at this point, I'm done regretting things. :) Because I'm over him.

The Breakup
Now that I've given a little bit of background information, let's get to the interesting part-- the breakup! On September 8, 2010, AAA and I broke up. Our relationship ended the same way it began-- through text. I started the breaking up process with a text telling AAA that having a long-distance relationship was "a lot harder than I thought it would be." And his response was upsetting to say the least. AAA said that he believed that it was difficult for him, too, and that he understood if I wanted to break up. Now, if this were any of my past boyfriends speaking, I would've just said 'Ok, it's over.' But this wasn't any of the guys that I'd quickly gotten over before real feelings of affection could possibly develop. This was AAA, the guy that I thought I was in love with. Anyway, by the end of our conversation, we had broken up and he said that he had to go. Looking back on the breakup now, I feel stupid because I should've seen the signs of his character and predicted a breakup like this one. However, from the very beginning I did not listen to my instincts telling me that he probably wasn't the best choice, as we were not on the same level of maturity. I simply wanted more out of the relationship and he just wasn't ready. So while I was with AAA, I always saw his potential and our potential together, which of course never amounted to anything because we ended up splitting after three months.

The Aftermath
After AAA and I broke up, I was devastated. I cried the night of our breakup, the morning after our breakup, and all the days that followed our breakup. Ok.. So that was a bit of an exaggeration. I didn't really cry that much, but crying after a breakup is completely abnormal for me. The guys I dated before AAA never meant so much to me because I'd never invested so much time and energy into any of them. So this breakup hurt baaaaaad. For the longest time I thought I would never get over him because he was so perfect and good-looking. He was funny and he was a gentleman. He seemed like the only "good guy" on this earth, or in Kansas City, at least. Although I knew this wasn't true, I became very impatient during the healing process and wanted AAA back soooooo badly! Of course I would never tell him that. I wanted him to come back to me. But the feeling that he and I could one day amount to something again  burned in my heart and continued to haunt me in life. For the longest time, simply thinking about him would cause me to tear up. Eventually, I was able to think about him for a few minutes before getting emotional again, but the pain still remained. This was the worst breakup ever!

Getting Over It... Finally!
So after months of harboring the pain from my breakup with AAA, I decided to search his name on facebook to see if anything would pop up. While we were together he didn't have a facebook, which was something that I admired about him, so you can imagine how surprised I was to see that his name popped up in my search box. I was a little hesitant at first, but I finally went to his page. I scrolled through all the pictures of him and his younger sister when they were kids and family photos that he had posted. I looked through his wall posts and statuses and nothing had upset me until I saw a post from a girl that I used to go to school with. She posted on his wall saying how she missed him and blah blah blah... He replied that he missed her, too and that she should hit him up.. He gave her his number. After seeing that, I lost it. I cried and cried for about ten minutes then I lay down and I cried some more. I kept thinking about what a fool I had been for ever liking him and about how his statuses showed another side of him that I could've easily picked up on if I hadn't been so infatuated with him. I felt terrible, but seeing that he wasn't anything like the guy I thought he was and that he'd been moving on opened my eyes to something that really helped me overcome my pain. AAA was not worth all that. He clearly wasn't the guy that I was so "in love with," but I saw what I wanted to see when I was with him. Finally seeing him for who he really was and what he was about made me realize that he doesn't deserve to be the reason for my tears. I can now look at his facebook page and at his new girlfriend's page without getting the least bit emotional. :)
But instead, I laugh at all their cute little posts...

"I miss you!.... I miss you more... You're the best boyfriend ever!"


Now I can look at all that and laugh.. Because I've been there before :) But I'm over it.

Two B's!!

OK, so little miss perfectionist me was not very happy to find that on only the third week of school I already have two B's! One in English II and one in Chemistry. Now some may think that chemistry is a tough class and a B+ is good to have! But it's just the third week of school. We've only done things that I already learned last year, which means that there should be no reason for me to have anything other than an A+.

So after crying my eyes out and talking to my mom, I feel somewhat reassured. My mom reminded me that my grades will probably teeter a bit for a while, but she won't be concerned until I bring home a C or D. So, clearly my mom doesn't know who I am. B's are NOT in my vocabulary and I'm letting all of you guys know that by the time progress reports come out, I will have all A's. Because I will have all A's all year. Like last year. And kinda like the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. Now the year before that one is a different story, but I will NOT ruin the cycle! :)

Pray for me though, guys! It's really stressful, but I WILL SURVIVE!