Blehhhhh

I just saw an old friend at the gym... Well, old friend wouldn't really be how I'd put it. This friend was very much like a brother to me, but is not anymore. It's not like I didn't try to maintain that friendship. I did. Last summer before he went off to college, I made a few attempts to spend time with him. They all fell through. And when he got back from college this summer we spent a day together and he promised that this summer would be different in terms of the amount of time we'd spend together.... Unfortunately, every time I've reached out to him I've gotten blown off. So, seeing this old friend of mine caused me to feel a lot of pain...  A lot of pain that I didn't really know was there.
You see, he isn't the only "good friend" that I've lost due to their lack of effort... There's a girl friend of mine with whom I was really close when we were in high school together. But she seemed to have blown me off quite a bit too.... I don't understand why and that's what bugs me so much! I've looked through old messages and reminisced on old times and my friendships with both of those people were great! We shared a lot of emotions and love and it seemed like we'd be friends forever! So, it just really hurts me to know that all that is over.. Not by MY choosing. I tried. Multiple times. And the door was basically shut in my face. So now I'm left with bitterness and anger towards those old friends and I know that shouldn't be....
God... I'm not sure how to handle this situation with the friends that I've lost... I feel as though I've done my part by reaching out to them and have been rejected, which is not a good feeling... I know that you've forgiven me for a multitude of wrongs that I've committed towards you, so I should be able to do the same for them, right? It's just really hard because those people haven't even apologized. *sighs*... Help me to extend love and grace in these situations. And lead me to the direction in which you would have me go. Show me what actions need to be taken, if any at all.. And please please PLEASE give me peace about this. Remove the bitterness, anger, hostility, remorse, sadness, resentment, any and all negative feelings that I have towards your children. Because they are still yours just like me. And if you could love me through all my wrongs, I should be able to love your people through this.
Amen.