Learning... Learning...

Goodness... Just in my first year of college I have already learned so much! And it's not even over yet! I just feel the need to document all the things that I've learned and am learning this year in this journey as I go deeper and deeper with Christ and learn more about how to walk in the Spirit.
Man, so at the beginning of my first semester in college, I was in search for a church and campus ministry that would be my new home away from home... A place where I could be fed and nurtured in the Spirit with people that would love me and push my forward in truth. I'd visited a few different campus ministries then finally decided to settle in with the one at which the people reached out to me the most. After studying the bible (in a quite orthodox and uncomfortable way) with two women in that ministry for a couple of months, I soon realized that I actually did not share similar beliefs with this group and felt strongly that the Holy Spirit was leading me away from them... As terrifying as it was to cut ties with the women and ministry, I learned that in doing what God wanted me to do, God would always go with me. It took a lot of boldness and courage to walk away from the group and I know that it only came from God... So soon after I began to regularly attend a church called Antioch Community Church, where I felt that the worship and people were genuine, truly loved Jesus, and followed the Holy Spirit wherever He was leading!
I got plugged in to a LifeGroup where my small circle of believers felt like a small, intimate family in which I could worship freely and pour my heart out without being judged or criticized. I loved it! We had so few people at the beginning that it almost seemed awkward, but persistent prayer and really going deep with these people has taught me so much about the body of Christ and how God loves the Church! It's insane to see the growth that we've experienced from day 1 up to now. Anyway, I started to spend more and more time with the people at Antioch and watched as our community as a whole grew. However, outside of that community I struggled with maintaining sexual integrity and living a life that was totally surrendered to God. After feeling the shame of my actions, I had a crazy experience with God! At a bible study that I attend regularly, a guest speaker came and prayed for individuals (as she was led by the Holy Spirit) and shared with me something super powerful. In her prayer for me, she told me that I am God's daughter and even said that I was pure! Now this completely blew my mind considering what I had done earlier that week. That night I felt God telling me that I am covered by the blood of Christ and that, because of that, nothing I could ever do would change the way he feels about me. God loves me an incredible amount and that SOOOOOO blew my mind! Still does to this day because I am so unworthy... But for some reason, God thinks otherwise! After a lot of struggling and teetering back in forth with my actions, I was able to walk away from sin and give the entire situation to God! In that situation I experienced God's grace in such a new, big, clear, and bold way that I simply cannot deny it! God loves me so much and it's crazy!
After being freed of sexual sin, I began to feel that God was calling me to lead in a few different ways. However, I had so many fears of leading, mainly the responsibility of it all. I thought that there was no way I could lead people! Who the heck would even follow me and how could I be held accountable for the lives of other people?! That calling on my life frightened me, to say the least and I begged God to take that fear away. And he told me that he would do it by leading me through a 10-day Daniel Fast that I would endure with a girl from my church back home. Terrified, nervous, and not completely trusting of God, I started the fast. I knew that I could do all things through Christ, but didn't actually fully believe it. And during the 10 days of that fast, I learned so much about God!! First, I learned that God's ALWAYS there. In those seasons where you're seeking him and don't feel his presence AT ALL... He's there. Those times are meaningful to him and he values them so much!! For the first like 6 days of the fast I could not feel God's presence at all! So I started to think that maybe this fast was in vain... But God spoke to me through a friend and told me that although I can't see what's ahead, I'm going deeper with him; he's behind me and I have a body of believers surrounding me. I'm covered. Another thing that I learned from the fast is that if God ever calls me to do something, what he's really saying is "Trust me; I'm gonna do my work through you." God totally just wants to use us to get the glory out of certain situations! That fast brought me to realize that with God I can literally DO ALL THINGS. Fasts were terrifying before, but God did it. Through me. He overcame..... It was amazing.
And currently, I am just learning how to bear with other believers. Before coming to college, I'd never really been discipled or walked my journey towards Christ with anyone else. So doing it now is teaching me that people (myself included) are so flawed. We're inconsistent, flakey, weak, just flawed.. And dealing with other people's imperfections--namely believers--is so hard! But I know that the unity of the church is what leads the world to believe in Christ. And the enemy so wants to attack the body of Christ to prevent the world from knowing him! That's what motivates me to resolve any issues with believers. My pride always tells me that it's not even worth discussing.. But God is gracious and merciful, so I should be too!.......


My story is not even mine anymore, guys. It's really all what God is doing with me and I love it so much! I get so much joy out of being used by God so that He gets the glory!! Pray for me and that I'm able to submit to His will in my life... I just wanna keep relying on him as he writes His story on my life :):):)

The Wilderness

Living in the wilderness, amongst a lack of understanding of who I really am and what I stand for... Can't I just open up my mouth and let you know? But no... Even then you won't get it. Andrea's just "really religious". She's like the new girl because "she's religious too..." Probably the most offensive statement I've heard in my life.
I've never heard anything more inaccurate in my life! Religion. Let's look at some of the world religions and what they all have in common. Good people. Be a good person. Then good things will happen to you. But that's not even how GOD operates! God loves us imperfect people in such a perfect way and doesn't even require us to be perfect ourselves! He doesn't ask us to be good people because, judged according to his standards, we'd NEVER be good people. We all freaking suck!
But he loves us so much and unconditionally and eternally and in ways that our brains can't even fathom. God loves us.
That's not religion. That's grace and power.


I just cannot live in the wilderness on my own. This fast probably could not come soon enough because I need Jesus and his spirit in me more than ever right now!
God, bring me through it!

Pictures For The Abodo I Heart My School Scholarship

Inspirational Gospel Voices

Alternative Breaks

Football Game: KU Traditions

Winter Formal: Scholarship Halls

Diversity

Where I'm Goin...

It's been a really long time, bloggies. Like almost 3 months!! I realize that probably no one even reads these posts, and so I'm kinda just talking to the blog itself. And I'm cool with that.
I just really felt like today I need to recap.... I need to just pour out a lotta stuff in reflection of what's been going on in my life...
Let's see... Since we last spoke, I've experienced quite a bit. My first semester of college ended (on a solid note, I might add), I journeyed through the holidays with family and friends, I've started being discipled by a sweet and joyful woman at my church in Lawrence... Lots is happening and God is moving in weird and strange and wonderful and mysterious ways.....
Sometimes I just wanna pour out all of my freaking emotions on here but I'm afraid.. Because what if someone does read this? It's not even a fear of people knowing my struggles, but more so a fear of them misunderstanding them. I have no issues with people misunderstanding me when I tell them my struggles but when it's posted online I believe that's something totally different.
Anyhow, last semester ended on a strange note. I experienced so much of God's grace, as I am a deeply flawed human being. Aren't we all? Yeah... And I ended up doing things I'd never thought I'd do. I put myself in situations for which I'd once judged others.... And that's kind of been a theme in my life. Me judging people for doing things I'd never thought I'd do... Then I do it. Bam. Smack in the face, right?
Well I'm learning not to judge others anymore... But even more so, I'm learning how deep God's love is for me! Like I experienced... I actually FELT GOD saying that it doesn't even matter how badly I've messed up. He loves me like crazy and only sees me as his daughter--holy, righteous, and redeemed. And that blew my mind....
Right now. At this exact second I feel as though I wish God would show me more. I'm at a strange point in my walk with him, I think.. I feel like sometimes I can feel his presence and other times I can't. I feel like sometimes the people that he's placed in my life can relate to me and sometimes they just can't. I feel like I'm very alone but at he same time I feel like I'm more surrounded by people who love me and care about me and my walk with Christ than ever!


God values us all. There's something unique about every single person on this earth and what they contribute to the Kingdom is so very unique to that one person.
I just wanna go deep with someone. I wanna go so deep that I can tell someone everything I'm feeling and know that they'll get it! They'll understand what I'm talking about no matter what I say. Or they'll at least be able to relate in some way, shape, or form....
I keep thinking through decisions that I've made and will have to make and I'm just kind of stumped. Like I'm trying to figure it all out and it's just not working! And then I'm like "okay, God. So I can't figure this out.. I should ask you about it..." But then I'm afraid that I won't actually experience God's presence. That's scary, right?

I know that I love God a lot. More than anything else and more than anyone else.... My life revolves around him. I think that's all I know at this point. I can't really come to any other conclusions about the way things are or the way they should be...
That's all I got.