Learning... Learning...

Goodness... Just in my first year of college I have already learned so much! And it's not even over yet! I just feel the need to document all the things that I've learned and am learning this year in this journey as I go deeper and deeper with Christ and learn more about how to walk in the Spirit.
Man, so at the beginning of my first semester in college, I was in search for a church and campus ministry that would be my new home away from home... A place where I could be fed and nurtured in the Spirit with people that would love me and push my forward in truth. I'd visited a few different campus ministries then finally decided to settle in with the one at which the people reached out to me the most. After studying the bible (in a quite orthodox and uncomfortable way) with two women in that ministry for a couple of months, I soon realized that I actually did not share similar beliefs with this group and felt strongly that the Holy Spirit was leading me away from them... As terrifying as it was to cut ties with the women and ministry, I learned that in doing what God wanted me to do, God would always go with me. It took a lot of boldness and courage to walk away from the group and I know that it only came from God... So soon after I began to regularly attend a church called Antioch Community Church, where I felt that the worship and people were genuine, truly loved Jesus, and followed the Holy Spirit wherever He was leading!
I got plugged in to a LifeGroup where my small circle of believers felt like a small, intimate family in which I could worship freely and pour my heart out without being judged or criticized. I loved it! We had so few people at the beginning that it almost seemed awkward, but persistent prayer and really going deep with these people has taught me so much about the body of Christ and how God loves the Church! It's insane to see the growth that we've experienced from day 1 up to now. Anyway, I started to spend more and more time with the people at Antioch and watched as our community as a whole grew. However, outside of that community I struggled with maintaining sexual integrity and living a life that was totally surrendered to God. After feeling the shame of my actions, I had a crazy experience with God! At a bible study that I attend regularly, a guest speaker came and prayed for individuals (as she was led by the Holy Spirit) and shared with me something super powerful. In her prayer for me, she told me that I am God's daughter and even said that I was pure! Now this completely blew my mind considering what I had done earlier that week. That night I felt God telling me that I am covered by the blood of Christ and that, because of that, nothing I could ever do would change the way he feels about me. God loves me an incredible amount and that SOOOOOO blew my mind! Still does to this day because I am so unworthy... But for some reason, God thinks otherwise! After a lot of struggling and teetering back in forth with my actions, I was able to walk away from sin and give the entire situation to God! In that situation I experienced God's grace in such a new, big, clear, and bold way that I simply cannot deny it! God loves me so much and it's crazy!
After being freed of sexual sin, I began to feel that God was calling me to lead in a few different ways. However, I had so many fears of leading, mainly the responsibility of it all. I thought that there was no way I could lead people! Who the heck would even follow me and how could I be held accountable for the lives of other people?! That calling on my life frightened me, to say the least and I begged God to take that fear away. And he told me that he would do it by leading me through a 10-day Daniel Fast that I would endure with a girl from my church back home. Terrified, nervous, and not completely trusting of God, I started the fast. I knew that I could do all things through Christ, but didn't actually fully believe it. And during the 10 days of that fast, I learned so much about God!! First, I learned that God's ALWAYS there. In those seasons where you're seeking him and don't feel his presence AT ALL... He's there. Those times are meaningful to him and he values them so much!! For the first like 6 days of the fast I could not feel God's presence at all! So I started to think that maybe this fast was in vain... But God spoke to me through a friend and told me that although I can't see what's ahead, I'm going deeper with him; he's behind me and I have a body of believers surrounding me. I'm covered. Another thing that I learned from the fast is that if God ever calls me to do something, what he's really saying is "Trust me; I'm gonna do my work through you." God totally just wants to use us to get the glory out of certain situations! That fast brought me to realize that with God I can literally DO ALL THINGS. Fasts were terrifying before, but God did it. Through me. He overcame..... It was amazing.
And currently, I am just learning how to bear with other believers. Before coming to college, I'd never really been discipled or walked my journey towards Christ with anyone else. So doing it now is teaching me that people (myself included) are so flawed. We're inconsistent, flakey, weak, just flawed.. And dealing with other people's imperfections--namely believers--is so hard! But I know that the unity of the church is what leads the world to believe in Christ. And the enemy so wants to attack the body of Christ to prevent the world from knowing him! That's what motivates me to resolve any issues with believers. My pride always tells me that it's not even worth discussing.. But God is gracious and merciful, so I should be too!.......


My story is not even mine anymore, guys. It's really all what God is doing with me and I love it so much! I get so much joy out of being used by God so that He gets the glory!! Pray for me and that I'm able to submit to His will in my life... I just wanna keep relying on him as he writes His story on my life :):):)