BLESSING!! ... Finally!

Well, firstly, me being able to type this message telling you about my blessing is a blessing in itself. Also, I finally feel at peace with Robert and his chick friend. :) Thank God! And lemme tell you how it happened. So, I was on facebook and saw that some people had confirmed that they were going to the album release party and I was upset because I didn't get an invite (through facebook, of course). Also, they started passing out their album at school (Christian album, which is the only reason why I wanted it and plus I heard it was good) and I didn't receive one. But I guess you had to ask in order to receive. So, I looked on my facebook a few days later and I received an invite to the party :) Not sure if my mom will let me go, but at least I was invited right?

Then I saw Robert the next morning and he had the stack of CDs with him and I was like "May I have one?"

And he was like "You didn't get one?" and handed me one :)

I LOVE the CD! It's awesome!... Truly! And today I told his chicky that I loved this one song on there that she sings.. I really don't know why I was ever afraid to talk to them.. It's like I thought they were these super humans who were gonna judge my every move... But I guess in a way, I was the one who was judging people all along. Which is probably why I thought everyone else was judging me. I am still working on that. I am trying really hard not to judge..

Then again I have a lot of other problems. The pornography problems haven't gone away...

And also.. I feel like maybe some people don't like the fact that I have a lot of energy.. It kind of bothers me.. I don't know. I just want to be accepted I guess.. But they didn't accept Jesus either so... :) Idk

Continue with the prayer, please!! God bless!

I Quit!

Do you know how bad it hurts to be excluded? And especially from your so-called Christian friends.... It hurts... Really really bad... It hurts enough to be excluded from those wild parties, even though I don't want anything to do with them.. It would be super nice to get an invite.. Just nice to know that you're wanted there... But then when you're not invited to hang out with your Christian "friends".. Ugh

I so badly wanna be friends with them.. But I've had about enough of trying! Just about a dang nuff!! I quit.. I'm done trying to impress you guys..

It's only about God now.. He's the only person I need to impress.. I'm tired of getting vibes when I see you and speak to you in the halls... Tired of it! So tired..

So I quit.. I am DONE with all of you!! Done being nice!! Not saying I'm gonna be mean, but just completely ignore you! How does it feel?!

Ya Umm.. Leave Me Alone, Creeper!

Ok, I think I've mentioned the guy who likes me... A LOT!! Well umm my goodness, he's freaking annoying! I'm not exactly the heartbreaker type and so I have a hard time breaking people's hearts... Me, I'm a lover and not a fighter.. So I honestly try hard to avoid any type of drama. But I mean... How can I get the message across without drama??? It's like dude, get off my freakin jock!! And now he's textin me from other people's phones and tellin people that we're together and stuff! Like what the heck man?!? You've asked me out quite a few times now and I've given you quite a few pretty clear answers.. And they were all definite NO's! I guess I was a little too sweet with those NO's , so I'm gonna have to be a little bit clearer.. But I don't know.. I'm just not very good at breaking people's hearts.. Just not my forte.. :P (By the way, I hope I used the word "forte" in appropriate context because I honestly do not know! Haha)

Well ya... Keep the prayers comin please and I will totally come back with some blessings! I can assure you! Thanx to my one follower AKA my sister. :-P

No shame in that though! Because maybe I just don't want everybody in my business :) Personal choice ;)

Much love & God bless to all!!

Umm.. OK Best Friend??

Man, when do the problems in my life cease? Haha. Well this blog post isn't about boys or the "best friend" I lost or about my addiction to pornography (which, by the way, hasn't been getting the best of me lately:). But it's about a friend of mine, Veronica. She and I went to middle school together. And while we are both still in middle school (8th grade), we no longer attend the same schools. She stayed back at the middle school and I now attend Sumner, a school that starts at 8th and ends at 12th. So when I left the middle school, I just knew we were gonna be hanging out everyday during the summer and every weekend during the school year. But, God decided to laugh at my plans and create some of his own. We ended up hanging out about a total of two times during the summer. :-/ And we have yet to hang out during the school year. At first, I gave the whole situation the benefit of the doubt. Ya know, each of us are very busy, even though sometimes she doesn't reply to texts.. Ya know, she's busy... But then I started seeing pictures of her with her other friend, Jenny, on a social website that we're all apart of. I mean, if she had time to hang with Jenny..... Why couldn't I be apart of that.. I mean I really don't mind, but in a way I feel left out.. Like did Veronica even think to invite me to hang out with them? I don't really want to tell her about my feelings because I just don't wanna stir up any conflict. I do want to hang ya know? But I think I'll be fine without the drama. I don't know.. But it's whatever, I mean prayers....

Ha....

They'd be super nice..

(By the way...... One day.... I WILL post a blog about something other than the problems in my life.. (: I mean there are definitely many blessings in my life that I totally acknowledge.. Just haven't blogged much about them yet.. I'll update ya tho, when the next one comes.. Like waking up tomorrow morning.. IF I do.. :)

Not Rushin Ya, God... But Uh.. When Will You Be Ready??

Okay, new problem.. I know, it's like a problem everyday for me huh? Well actually I've got a few problems, so I'm gonna go ahead and state em all! Why not?

But first, I'm gonna make a list of em, cuz after a while of typing one of them, I will forget the rest!

- Boys :-S

- .. Dang I forgot already..

- O ya! I remember now! Haha!

- Robert & his lady

- Nay Nay

Ok.. So We're gonna start at the top, end at the end, and laugh it all off! A ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Whoo! Good times.. :)

So anyway.. My first problem is with boys.. This guy, Deamante, likes me umm a LOT! And I mean I'm not gonna lie, I somewhat enjoy the company and find it cute when he comes to my locker.. Until he started coming every passing period. :) Ha. But I mean I don't know.. He's asked me out like five times now and I've told him no and I've told him why.. That's just not what God has planned for me right now.. Not just with him, but with anyone. And I know that it's gonna be super hard to hold out, but dang... LORD HELP ME TO HOLD OUT!! Ha ha. And another thing is, it's almost February.. That's like the season of love and I know my school is having a "Winter Formal" AKA Valentine's Dance. And I mean, if I don't go with a guy as a date, then I'll be fine, ya know.. But I'm not even gonna lie... I SOOOO totally want someone to ask me!!! I just want the romantic feeling of being asked ya know? Like he'll be all nervous and stuff and then he'll be fiddling with his fingers and what not.. Then he'll look into my eyes and be like "I've been wanting to ask you something for the longest time now.." And I'll be all like "What's that?" And he'll ask in this shy, romantic, cute way! Ahhh! :) I don't know. It would just be so sweet! And while I know that this kind of stuff happens in movies, I'm sure it doesn't ONLY happen in movies. I just want my fairy tale dreams to come true, as gushy as it sounds. :)

Ok... Number two on the list.. This guy at my school, Robert, he has this girlfriend. And they're Christians right? Real serious Christians and I loved that about them... When I first met them.. BUT.. I really don't know about them now.. It's almost like they like anyone and everyone in the whole entire school except me! I really don't know. I just feel like I have this big IGNORE ME sign on my back and well it is acknowledged. It just really feels to me like they judge me and don't like me at all. But I see them hanging out with these girls who are honestly (GOD FORGIVE ME) nowhere near Christ. Not that's a bad thing because I know "point em to the cross" and all, but it's like.... Dang, ya know? Like did I do somethin to deserve this? Like am I really that bad of a person? I don't know.. I just don't know.

And next on the list..... I have a friend, Nay Nay, he's a Christian, as well.. And well he has a lot to say! ALWAYS! And sometimes I feel like he only says stuff to hear himself talk, or to get the attention of someone.. I don't know. And also, I feel like he does some stuff for attention.. But then again he sometimes acts like a little girl, which OMG gets on my last freakin nerves! I just really don't know rite now.. Just do not know. Ugh...

Prayers, at this moment, would be sooooooo great!

EX-Best Friend

I'm glad you that you found who you are, just sucks that I don't have a clue

You're not the chick I used to know, you don't do what she used to do

You're just so different now and it's so hard to believe

The old you left without saying goodbye, absent without leave

I hate that you changed, I hate the new you, don't care for ya much at all

You were the best friend ever, or pretended to be, but you never returned a call

You never texted back, at least toward the end, we barely even talked

You changed so much, it's crazy, down the hall with me, you never walked

It hurts me to say we're not friends anymore, but it's really just your loss

You screwed up as a friend, so to the side you most definitely were tossed!

Tired Of The World

What has this world come to? All the twurking is getting out of control! The wild parties, the fast girls, the drinking, the conformity.... What is this world? It was all supposed to be perfect, but then a few bad apples spoil the whole world! Everyone wants to be this, everyone wants to be that. Everyone wants to be hot and cool, but who wants to be like Christ? Better question- who wants to go to hell? Is there anyone at these parties telling the twurkers that God doesn't like it? Are there any Christians at these wild parties where minors are drinking and grinding on each other? Do those people go to church the day after these parties and stand in front of the Lord and dance for Him too? It hurts me.. It really hurts me to the point of tears to see this... I honestly can't even tell you why.. I just don't get it!! I don't get how guys could even want that! I don't get how they can want to be with a girl who grinds on a million people and isn't afraid to put it out on the internet.. I just don't get it!! How can that even be attractive to someone? The mind set that light complexion and long hair is what is beautiful is leaving so many people with low self esteem and other people thinking that they're all that. It makes people think that it's the outside that is what's important, but you could be the cutest most beautiful person on the earth.. But you're nothing if you don't have Christ and everything else on the inside that makes you a beautiful person. Having sex outside of marriage and shaking up is not okay, but the world continues to live in its sin.

I am not in any way saying that I am faultless. That is so not true. I have my own problems that I am battling with. But as I work on me, I would like to help those who need help with some of the struggles that I may have overcome already. It just really hurts my heart to see all these wild girls and boys, who I thought were wholesome people, doing all kinds of earthly, nasty, sexual things. And I know I've got my skeletons in my closet, too. But in order to change, you gotta act like you want it. And grinding up on dudes at parties and then posting pictures of it up on facebook doesn't look like you want to change too much..

I don't know.. I would just really like a change. Something different from what I'm experiencing now.. I would like to be surrounded by people who want to follow Christ and want to help me along my journey but it seems that all the people I'm surrounded by are not that.

Prayers..... They would be grrreat!

Lovin You (A Poem By Yours Truly!)

Lovin you.. is easy because you're patient and kind, Love like no other

Can't find this agape love anywhere else, can't get this from another

Your love is sweet, your love is nice

You are thee only lover in my life

Everyone tries to rush and speed

Not me, not until you tell me who's right for me

You're the only love that I need

Don't need any money, sex, or weed

Your love is strong, your love is great

You overpower all of the greed and hate

So this is why I say, you see

Lovin you is so easy

Because you are patient and kind, This love is like no other

You can only find this love in GOD, can't get it from another! :)

Problems, Problems,.... & MORE Problems.. :P

So, I've got a problem.. A few problems actually.. Well ok I have a TON of problems! Goodness what more do you want from me?? Ha ha. Ok.. Well problem number one.. When I was in the fourth grade, I discovered pornography. I don't think I knew the actual name for it then, but I knew it was wrong & that I shouldn't have been anywhere near it.. Well my mom found out because of my so-called best friend. Thanks, thanks a lot! But I stopped looking at it for a while.. Didn't even think about it until one day when I was on the internet, in about 6th or 7th grade & I remembered what I was missing. So, me being the bad little kid I was & probably still am, I went to this website. Not specifically made for pornography, but it has a little section for over 18 year-olds. I scoped it out & got hooked. Don't know how it happened. It just did. Now I'm living with the problem to this day, when I know that it's wrong. I know I shouldn't. I know that God is watching & shaking His head at me.... But I can't stop.... Not until I get enough... But when will that be.. That day is yet to come.. I'm tired of my own sin.. I'm tired of the lust & the guilt & all that I go through because of this one little sin.. I'm tired of it all.. But I like it.. I enjoy watching people strip down & jiggy with it.. I don't know why.. It's.... It's hot... But it's wrong, it's gross.. It's not what God wants me to do.. I think about that everytime I go on the internet... But it doesn't stop me.. I think about the firey pits of hell and the loud, deafening screams and the torture that goes on down there.. It doesn't stop me.. I keep going on and on and on.... And nothing stops me.. I am a God-fearing young lady.. I'm scared of hell.. Don't want it.. But will hell be given to me even though it's just a small problem? No sin is greater than any other... They're all equal.. And I've had my fair share of sins.. But is this one sin gonna cost me eternal life with God? I'm just a bit lost here and I don't know how to get out of this one.. Not exactly sure.. I gave up getting on the internet period. Didn't work.. I decided to only get on the internet when someone else is home with me.. Didn't help. I'm on the internet now & no one is home. Just got done looking at pornography.. So now what? With every temptation, there's a way of escape.. But where's the exit sign? Can't see it. Never could. I try reading the WORD instead and asking God to replace it with HIMSELF. Nothing seems to help. I'm lost.

Clueless to my own fate.. Praying.... I know I should be patient but that's another thing I have problems with.. So now what? Is God gonna bring me through two things at once? That would be a GRRREAT blessing because all I want right now is to be free. I just pray that my freedom from this lust and addiction comes soon.. And very soon....

Prayers would be nice please!

Childhood

Listening to Michael Jackson's song "childhood" makes me cry every time I hear it.. I am & always  have been a die hard TRUE Michael Jackson fan... This is no lie! I think I came out of the womb listening to "THriller". But the point of this blog isn't to tell everyone of my love for him.. But to convince anyone & everyone who reads this that the world needs a change. And that's really all Michael ever tried to do- heal the world- in all that he ever did, it somehow had to do with making the world better! And because he's friendly doesn't mean that it was in an inappropriate way. Not a lot of people have hearts as big as Michael so they didn't & probably still don't understand his kind of love. I do not know him personally, unfortunately, but since I was a kid I have loved him & I feel as though I know him very well. It's difficult to explain but simply, I feel like no one really knows him for who he really is. From what I understand, Michael never had a normal childhood. He was pretty much forced into the music industry by a very controlling & abusive father. Michael never got to do things that normal kids or teens get to do. So when he was older, he decided to help not only children, but also the rest of the world. He was caring & nice & helpful. And this is the kind of man that people want to persecute with their words & have thrown in jail? I just don't understand why or how people can be so cruel. Maybe because of the way he dressed. Maybe because they were intimidated by his huge heart. Or maybe because they don't like his personality. But how can you not like his personality? He was a great person! All he ever wanted to do was help people & get back the childhood that he never had! He has inspired so many people to do great things in life! Why would someone, anyone want to have this man thrown in jail?! The names they called him suggest that he's crazy when that's not it at all. I'm not going to say that he's normal because that would be an insult to him. His heart is WAY bigger than any other man's heart on this earth! He's truly amazing & people want him thrown in jail! Michael has helped children & people & this earth all his life & all people want to do is hurt him. Michael is being rewarded in a better place right now. And he no longer has to put up with this cruel world. I'm not saying that I'm happy that he's gone- I've shed many tears because of his death. But I'm saying instead of mourning, we should celebrate his life & his achievements & try to be like him in many, if not all, ways. 

Rest In Peace, Babe!

I love u always!! ♥♥♥

<3

I Guess Forever Didn't Last Always

In the end of 6th grade, I lost all of my "best friends" that I had that year. We were just one big clique but somehow, we fell apart. So then, I became acquainted with a new group if people. One girl in particular, Octavia. She was funny, nice, and sweet and she wasn't very popular. She was into sports, just as I am, and she wasn't fond of cliques or fast girls who were involved in cliques, just like me. We were so much alike! 

The only difference between the two of us was her insecurity. I am a very confident girl and I don't really care what other people think about me. She, on the other hand, did everything to impress the people around her. I didn't really notice all this when I was first becoming friends with her but later in our friendship, it became obvious. 

The two of us hung out all summer! We became best friends and we did almost everything together. We wouldn't see certain movies without each other and we basically did EVERYTHING together. So when school started up again, people noticed our friendship and began to gossip. As I mentioned earlier, Octavia is really into pleasing her peers. So when she heard what people were saying, she started behaving different towards me. She started to hang with a group of girls that she usually wouldn't even speak to, on a normal day. I didn't let any of this stop us from being friends. She was too good a friend to lose over petty drama. 

As I mentioned earlier, we did everything together. So neither of us had really had our first kiss, yet. We vowed to have them both at the same time, but that's almost impossible to do. So one night, I was with my sister and I saw an old friend of mine that I used to have a huge crush on. And that was the day that I had my first kiss. The first person I told, of course, was my best friend. When I told her, she was really surprised and said, "Maybe I can get mine tomorrow!". It always seemed as though she were trying to compete with me. So I just supported her. I made her promise not to tell anyone about the kiss. I wanted it to be a secret. And she promised to keep it.

Then one day, I came to school and everything was fine. When I got to my second hour, one of Octavia's new friends passed me a note. The note said:

What's this I hear about you kissing Mitchel? I thought you were a wholesome girl. 

When I read the note, tears of anger and hurt started to stream down my face. Octavia used to always say that we would be friends forever and ever. So I guess forever didn't last always, huh?

Mitchel

[Just to let my readers know, all of the names have been changed from real life to protect the identities of those who wish to remain withheld.] 

Okay. I just want to let you guys know that I am a girl who has somewhat great taste in boys. I have amazing taste in vanilla guys, but okay taste in African American guys. I have had my share of very cute vanillas and in chocolates..... Okaaaay...

 But right now, what's on my mind is the guy who I shared my first kiss with. Mitchel isn't really all that but I had a crush on him for the longest time and felt like I was finally getting my chance with him. He's funny, tall, and has a nice body but he's just not that cute. But at the time, I thought he was very attractive!

 We don't go to the same school. He's a grade older than me. I remember everything about him. But recently, I decided to stop talking to him b/c I saw him at a basketball game where he wanted to be fake around all of his friends. So for a while I didn't text him at all. 

 On valentine's day, I received a text from him saying "hay. happy valentines day". so i replied and we got to talking again. I remembered how before, whenever he would text me, I got giggly and happy on the inside. I think some of those old feelings came back again. :( I'm gonna try not to like him anymore, but after all, he was my first kiss. I really really really liked him. 

 I decided to tell my friend [his ex] about the situation and she explained to me why they were no longer dating- he was a "player" and tried to flirt with other girls at the school that he is currently attending. I had heard before that he was a player but I just didn't wanna give up what we had. I liked him too much to listen to  what other people said. I knew that he flirted with me a lot when he had other girlfriends but I just ignored it. I decided to leave him alone from then on out.

 But one day, I was hanging out with one of my friends who is also really good friends with Mitchel. They go to the same school and she told me that he already had a girlfriend. A few days before this, he told me that he was single. So, Angelica explained that he got a new girlfriend a couple days after him and his ex broke up. So, I, of course, was a little upset that he didn't tell me about this before b/c he was still flirting with me afterwards. That was when I cut him off completely. But I stil think about him a lot. Is that normal???

Blog Numero Uno

So, I read a book about a girl who has a secret online blog for a couple of her friends to read and I thought, hmm... Why don't I start a blog?? wouldn't that be awesome?? And so here I am typing this blog to probably millions of people who may or may not read this. I hope some people do read this, though. 

Well, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Andrea, but you can call me Andi :). I am 13 years old and I run this blog!! 

Well since this is my first blog, I guess I should tell you some words to describe me... Those words will be: fun, sweet, polite, energetic, blessed, Christian, tomboy, girly, cute, stylish, sports-loving, and intellectual. 

I am a fun-loving party animal and I like to dance and sing! :) You should grow to love me! :) I hope you enjoyed this blog and all the others that are coming soon! Thanks so much for reading!

God bless! :)