Dirty Guilt

Please don't award and applaud me for doing chores and work around the house without being asked.. I'm only keeping myself busy before I busy myself with business that I don't belong in. I am guilty. I feel guilty. I feel dirty and I don't want to be applauded for doing anything right when I know that I have still done some wrong... I am still working on things... Still getting things together.. Like no one's perfect but people can still strive towards perfection and every time I slip it feels like I've just given up.. Well I don't know what to do anymore.. I say I'm done.. But I'm not.. I know I'm not because thoughts and images keep appearing in my head.. It's like I can't stop them.. I guess I just need help.. But during this process, I don't feel like I deserve any applause. I don't deserve any rewards.. Just simply give me a nod and a pat on the back and tell me to keep moving.. I feel too dirty and guilty to deserve more than that.