So, I've got a problem.. A few problems actually.. Well ok I have a TON of problems! Goodness what more do you want from me?? Ha ha. Ok.. Well problem number one.. When I was in the fourth grade, I discovered pornography. I don't think I knew the actual name for it then, but I knew it was wrong & that I shouldn't have been anywhere near it.. Well my mom found out because of my so-called best friend. Thanks, thanks a lot! But I stopped looking at it for a while.. Didn't even think about it until one day when I was on the internet, in about 6th or 7th grade & I remembered what I was missing. So, me being the bad little kid I was & probably still am, I went to this website. Not specifically made for pornography, but it has a little section for over 18 year-olds. I scoped it out & got hooked. Don't know how it happened. It just did. Now I'm living with the problem to this day, when I know that it's wrong. I know I shouldn't. I know that God is watching & shaking His head at me.... But I can't stop.... Not until I get enough... But when will that be.. That day is yet to come.. I'm tired of my own sin.. I'm tired of the lust & the guilt & all that I go through because of this one little sin.. I'm tired of it all.. But I like it.. I enjoy watching people strip down & jiggy with it.. I don't know why.. It's.... It's hot... But it's wrong, it's gross.. It's not what God wants me to do.. I think about that everytime I go on the internet... But it doesn't stop me.. I think about the firey pits of hell and the loud, deafening screams and the torture that goes on down there.. It doesn't stop me.. I keep going on and on and on.... And nothing stops me.. I am a God-fearing young lady.. I'm scared of hell.. Don't want it.. But will hell be given to me even though it's just a small problem? No sin is greater than any other... They're all equal.. And I've had my fair share of sins.. But is this one sin gonna cost me eternal life with God? I'm just a bit lost here and I don't know how to get out of this one.. Not exactly sure.. I gave up getting on the internet period. Didn't work.. I decided to only get on the internet when someone else is home with me.. Didn't help. I'm on the internet now & no one is home. Just got done looking at pornography.. So now what? With every temptation, there's a way of escape.. But where's the exit sign? Can't see it. Never could. I try reading the WORD instead and asking God to replace it with HIMSELF. Nothing seems to help. I'm lost. Clueless to my own fate.. Praying.... I know I should be patient but that's another thing I have problems with.. So now what? Is God gonna bring me through two things at once? That would be a GRRREAT blessing because all I want right now is to be free. I just pray that my freedom from this lust and addiction comes soon.. And very soon....
Prayers would be nice please!
