Friday, January 29, 2010

BLESSING!! ... Finally!

Well, firstly, me being able to type this message telling you about my blessing is a blessing in itself. Also, I finally feel at peace with Robert and his chick friend. :) Thank God! And lemme tell you how it happened. So, I was on facebook and saw that some people had confirmed that they were going to the album release party and I was upset because I didn't get an invite (through facebook, of course). Also, they started passing out their album at school (Christian album, which is the only reason why I wanted it and plus I heard it was good) and I didn't receive one. But I guess you had to ask in order to receive. So, I looked on my facebook a few days later and I received an invite to the party :) Not sure if my mom will let me go, but at least I was invited right?
Then I saw Robert the next morning and he had the stack of CDs with him and I was like "May I have one?"
And he was like "You didn't get one?" and handed me one :)
I LOVE the CD! It's awesome!... Truly! And today I told his chicky that I loved this one song on there that she sings.. I really don't know why I was ever afraid to talk to them.. It's like I thought they were these super humans who were gonna judge my every move... But I guess in a way, I was the one who was judging people all along. Which is probably why I thought everyone else was judging me. I am still working on that. I am trying really hard not to judge..
Then again I have a lot of other problems. The pornography problems haven't gone away...
And also.. I feel like maybe some people don't like the fact that I have a lot of energy.. It kind of bothers me.. I don't know. I just want to be accepted I guess.. But they didn't accept Jesus either so... :) Idk
Continue with the prayer, please!! God bless!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

I Quit!

Do you know how bad it hurts to be excluded? And especially from your so-called Christian friends.... It hurts... Really really bad... It hurts enough to be excluded from those wild parties, even though I don't want anything to do with them.. It would be super nice to get an invite.. Just nice to know that you're wanted there... But then when you're not invited to hang out with your Christian "friends".. Ugh
I so badly wanna be friends with them.. But I've had about enough of trying! Just about a dang nuff!! I quit.. I'm done trying to impress you guys..
It's only about God now.. He's the only person I need to impress.. I'm tired of getting vibes when I see you and speak to you in the halls... Tired of it! So tired..
So I quit.. I am DONE with all of you!! Done being nice!! Not saying I'm gonna be mean, but just completely ignore you! How does it feel?!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Ya Umm.. Leave Me Alone, Creeper!

Ok, I think I've mentioned the guy who likes me... A LOT!! Well umm my goodness, he's freaking annoying! I'm not exactly the heartbreaker type and so I have a hard time breaking people's hearts... Me, I'm a lover and not a fighter.. So I honestly try hard to avoid any type of drama. But I mean... How can I get the message across without drama??? It's like dude, get off my freakin jock!! And now he's textin me from other people's phones and tellin people that we're together and stuff! Like what the heck man?!? You've asked me out quite a few times now and I've given you quite a few pretty clear answers.. And they were all definite NO's! I guess I was a little too sweet with those NO's , so I'm gonna have to be a little bit clearer.. But I don't know.. I'm just not very good at breaking people's hearts.. Just not my forte.. :P (By the way, I hope I used the word "forte" in appropriate context because I honestly do not know! Haha)
Well ya... Keep the prayers comin please and I will totally come back with some blessings! I can assure you! Thanx to my one follower AKA my sister. :-P
No shame in that though! Because maybe I just don't want everybody in my business :) Personal choice ;)
Much love & God bless to all!!

Umm.. OK Best Friend??

Man, when do the problems in my life cease? Haha. Well this blog post isn't about boys or the "best friend" I lost or about my addiction to pornography (which, by the way, hasn't been getting the best of me lately:). But it's about a friend of mine, Veronica. She and I went to middle school together. And while we are both still in middle school (8th grade), we no longer attend the same schools. She stayed back at the middle school and I now attend Sumner, a school that starts at 8th and ends at 12th. So when I left the middle school, I just knew we were gonna be hanging out everyday during the summer and every weekend during the school year. But, God decided to laugh at my plans and create some of his own. We ended up hanging out about a total of two times during the summer. :-/ And we have yet to hang out during the school year. At first, I gave the whole situation the benefit of the doubt. Ya know, each of us are very busy, even though sometimes she doesn't reply to texts.. Ya know, she's busy... But then I started seeing pictures of her with her other friend, Jenny, on a social website that we're all apart of. I mean, if she had time to hang with Jenny..... Why couldn't I be apart of that.. I mean I really don't mind, but in a way I feel left out.. Like did Veronica even think to invite me to hang out with them? I don't really want to tell her about my feelings because I just don't wanna stir up any conflict. I do want to hang ya know? But I think I'll be fine without the drama. I don't know.. But it's whatever, I mean prayers....
Ha....
They'd be super nice..
(By the way...... One day.... I WILL post a blog about something other than the problems in my life.. (: I mean there are definitely many blessings in my life that I totally acknowledge.. Just haven't blogged much about them yet.. I'll update ya tho, when the next one comes.. Like waking up tomorrow morning.. IF I do.. :)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Not Rushin Ya, God... But Uh.. When Will You Be Ready??

Okay, new problem.. I know, it's like a problem everyday for me huh? Well actually I've got a few problems, so I'm gonna go ahead and state em all! Why not?
But first, I'm gonna make a list of em, cuz after a while of typing one of them, I will forget the rest!
- Boys :-S
- .. Dang I forgot already..
- O ya! I remember now! Haha!
- Robert & his lady
- Nay Nay

Ok.. So We're gonna start at the top, end at the end, and laugh it all off! A ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Whoo! Good times.. :)
So anyway.. My first problem is with boys.. This guy, Deamante, likes me umm a LOT! And I mean I'm not gonna lie, I somewhat enjoy the company and find it cute when he comes to my locker.. Until he started coming every passing period. :) Ha. But I mean I don't know.. He's asked me out like five times now and I've told him no and I've told him why.. That's just not what God has planned for me right now.. Not just with him, but with anyone. And I know that it's gonna be super hard to hold out, but dang... LORD HELP ME TO HOLD OUT!! Ha ha. And another thing is, it's almost February.. That's like the season of love and I know my school is having a "Winter Formal" AKA Valentine's Dance. And I mean, if I don't go with a guy as a date, then I'll be fine, ya know.. But I'm not even gonna lie... I SOOOO totally want someone to ask me!!! I just want the romantic feeling of being asked ya know? Like he'll be all nervous and stuff and then he'll be fiddling with his fingers and what not.. Then he'll look into my eyes and be like "I've been wanting to ask you something for the longest time now.." And I'll be all like "What's that?" And he'll ask in this shy, romantic, cute way! Ahhh! :) I don't know. It would just be so sweet! And while I know that this kind of stuff happens in movies, I'm sure it doesn't ONLY happen in movies. I just want my fairy tale dreams to come true, as gushy as it sounds. :)
Ok... Number two on the list.. This guy at my school, Robert, he has this girlfriend. And they're Christians right? Real serious Christians and I loved that about them... When I first met them.. BUT.. I really don't know about them now.. It's almost like they like anyone and everyone in the whole entire school except me! I really don't know. I just feel like I have this big IGNORE ME sign on my back and well it is acknowledged. It just really feels to me like they judge me and don't like me at all. But I see them hanging out with these girls who are honestly (GOD FORGIVE ME) nowhere near Christ. Not that's a bad thing because I know "point em to the cross" and all, but it's like.... Dang, ya know? Like did I do somethin to deserve this? Like am I really that bad of a person? I don't know.. I just don't know.
And next on the list..... I have a friend, Nay Nay, he's a Christian, as well.. And well he has a lot to say! ALWAYS! And sometimes I feel like he only says stuff to hear himself talk, or to get the attention of someone.. I don't know. And also, I feel like he does some stuff for attention.. But then again he sometimes acts like a little girl, which OMG gets on my last freakin nerves! I just really don't know rite now.. Just do not know. Ugh...

Prayers, at this moment, would be sooooooo great!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

EX-Best Friend

I'm glad you that you found who you are, just sucks that I don't have a clue
You're not the chick I used to know, you don't do what she used to do
You're just so different now and it's so hard to believe
The old you left without saying goodbye, absent without leave
I hate that you changed, I hate the new you, don't care for ya much at all
You were the best friend ever, or pretended to be, but you never returned a call
You never texted back, at least toward the end, we barely even talked
You changed so much, it's crazy, down the hall with me, you never walked
It hurts me to say we're not friends anymore, but it's really just your loss
You screwed up as a friend, so to the side you most definitely were tossed!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Tired Of The World

What has this world come to? All the twurking is getting out of control! The wild parties, the fast girls, the drinking, the conformity.... What is this world? It was all supposed to be perfect, but then a few bad apples spoil the whole world! Everyone wants to be this, everyone wants to be that. Everyone wants to be hot and cool, but who wants to be like Christ? Better question- who wants to go to hell? Is there anyone at these parties telling the twurkers that God doesn't like it? Are there any Christians at these wild parties where minors are drinking and grinding on each other? Do those people go to church the day after these parties and stand in front of the Lord and dance for Him too? It hurts me.. It really hurts me to the point of tears to see this... I honestly can't even tell you why.. I just don't get it!! I don't get how guys could even want that! I don't get how they can want to be with a girl who grinds on a million people and isn't afraid to put it out on the internet.. I just don't get it!! How can that even be attractive to someone? The mind set that light complexion and long hair is what is beautiful is leaving so many people with low self esteem and other people thinking that they're all that. It makes people think that it's the outside that is what's important, but you could be the cutest most beautiful person on the earth.. But you're nothing if you don't have Christ and everything else on the inside that makes you a beautiful person. Having sex outside of marriage and shaking up is not okay, but the world continues to live in its sin.

I am not in any way saying that I am faultless. That is so not true. I have my own problems that I am battling with. But as I work on me, I would like to help those who need help with some of the struggles that I may have overcome already. It just really hurts my heart to see all these wild girls and boys, who I thought were wholesome people, doing all kinds of earthly, nasty, sexual things. And I know I've got my skeletons in my closet, too. But in order to change, you gotta act like you want it. And grinding up on dudes at parties and then posting pictures of it up on facebook doesn't look like you want to change too much..
I don't know.. I would just really like a change. Something different from what I'm experiencing now.. I would like to be surrounded by people who want to follow Christ and want to help me along my journey but it seems that all the people I'm surrounded by are not that.

Prayers..... They would be grrreat!

Lovin You (A Poem By Yours Truly!)

Lovin you.. is easy because you're patient and kind, Love like no other
Can't find this agape love anywhere else, can't get this from another
Your love is sweet, your love is nice
You are thee only lover in my life
Everyone tries to rush and speed
Not me, not until you tell me who's right for me
You're the only love that I need
Don't need any money, sex, or weed
Your love is strong, your love is great
You overpower all of the greed and hate
So this is why I say, you see
Lovin you is so easy
Because you are patient and kind, This love is like no other
You can only find this love in GOD, can't get it from another! :)