Problems, Problems,.... & MORE Problems.. :P

So, I've got a problem.. A few problems actually.. Well ok I have a TON of problems! Goodness what more do you want from me?? Ha ha. Ok.. Well problem number one.. When I was in the fourth grade, I discovered pornography. I don't think I knew the actual name for it then, but I knew it was wrong & that I shouldn't have been anywhere near it.. Well my mom found out because of my so-called best friend. Thanks, thanks a lot! But I stopped looking at it for a while.. Didn't even think about it until one day when I was on the internet, in about 6th or 7th grade & I remembered what I was missing. So, me being the bad little kid I was & probably still am, I went to this website. Not specifically made for pornography, but it has a little section for over 18 year-olds. I scoped it out & got hooked. Don't know how it happened. It just did. Now I'm living with the problem to this day, when I know that it's wrong. I know I shouldn't. I know that God is watching & shaking His head at me.... But I can't stop.... Not until I get enough... But when will that be.. That day is yet to come.. I'm tired of my own sin.. I'm tired of the lust & the guilt & all that I go through because of this one little sin.. I'm tired of it all.. But I like it.. I enjoy watching people strip down & jiggy with it.. I don't know why.. It's.... It's hot... But it's wrong, it's gross.. It's not what God wants me to do.. I think about that everytime I go on the internet... But it doesn't stop me.. I think about the firey pits of hell and the loud, deafening screams and the torture that goes on down there.. It doesn't stop me.. I keep going on and on and on.... And nothing stops me.. I am a God-fearing young lady.. I'm scared of hell.. Don't want it.. But will hell be given to me even though it's just a small problem? No sin is greater than any other... They're all equal.. And I've had my fair share of sins.. But is this one sin gonna cost me eternal life with God? I'm just a bit lost here and I don't know how to get out of this one.. Not exactly sure.. I gave up getting on the internet period. Didn't work.. I decided to only get on the internet when someone else is home with me.. Didn't help. I'm on the internet now & no one is home. Just got done looking at pornography.. So now what? With every temptation, there's a way of escape.. But where's the exit sign? Can't see it. Never could. I try reading the WORD instead and asking God to replace it with HIMSELF. Nothing seems to help. I'm lost.

Clueless to my own fate.. Praying.... I know I should be patient but that's another thing I have problems with.. So now what? Is God gonna bring me through two things at once? That would be a GRRREAT blessing because all I want right now is to be free. I just pray that my freedom from this lust and addiction comes soon.. And very soon....

Prayers would be nice please!

Childhood

Listening to Michael Jackson's song "childhood" makes me cry every time I hear it.. I am & always  have been a die hard TRUE Michael Jackson fan... This is no lie! I think I came out of the womb listening to "THriller". But the point of this blog isn't to tell everyone of my love for him.. But to convince anyone & everyone who reads this that the world needs a change. And that's really all Michael ever tried to do- heal the world- in all that he ever did, it somehow had to do with making the world better! And because he's friendly doesn't mean that it was in an inappropriate way. Not a lot of people have hearts as big as Michael so they didn't & probably still don't understand his kind of love. I do not know him personally, unfortunately, but since I was a kid I have loved him & I feel as though I know him very well. It's difficult to explain but simply, I feel like no one really knows him for who he really is. From what I understand, Michael never had a normal childhood. He was pretty much forced into the music industry by a very controlling & abusive father. Michael never got to do things that normal kids or teens get to do. So when he was older, he decided to help not only children, but also the rest of the world. He was caring & nice & helpful. And this is the kind of man that people want to persecute with their words & have thrown in jail? I just don't understand why or how people can be so cruel. Maybe because of the way he dressed. Maybe because they were intimidated by his huge heart. Or maybe because they don't like his personality. But how can you not like his personality? He was a great person! All he ever wanted to do was help people & get back the childhood that he never had! He has inspired so many people to do great things in life! Why would someone, anyone want to have this man thrown in jail?! The names they called him suggest that he's crazy when that's not it at all. I'm not going to say that he's normal because that would be an insult to him. His heart is WAY bigger than any other man's heart on this earth! He's truly amazing & people want him thrown in jail! Michael has helped children & people & this earth all his life & all people want to do is hurt him. Michael is being rewarded in a better place right now. And he no longer has to put up with this cruel world. I'm not saying that I'm happy that he's gone- I've shed many tears because of his death. But I'm saying instead of mourning, we should celebrate his life & his achievements & try to be like him in many, if not all, ways. 

Rest In Peace, Babe!

I love u always!! ♥♥♥

<3

I Guess Forever Didn't Last Always

In the end of 6th grade, I lost all of my "best friends" that I had that year. We were just one big clique but somehow, we fell apart. So then, I became acquainted with a new group if people. One girl in particular, Octavia. She was funny, nice, and sweet and she wasn't very popular. She was into sports, just as I am, and she wasn't fond of cliques or fast girls who were involved in cliques, just like me. We were so much alike! 

The only difference between the two of us was her insecurity. I am a very confident girl and I don't really care what other people think about me. She, on the other hand, did everything to impress the people around her. I didn't really notice all this when I was first becoming friends with her but later in our friendship, it became obvious. 

The two of us hung out all summer! We became best friends and we did almost everything together. We wouldn't see certain movies without each other and we basically did EVERYTHING together. So when school started up again, people noticed our friendship and began to gossip. As I mentioned earlier, Octavia is really into pleasing her peers. So when she heard what people were saying, she started behaving different towards me. She started to hang with a group of girls that she usually wouldn't even speak to, on a normal day. I didn't let any of this stop us from being friends. She was too good a friend to lose over petty drama. 

As I mentioned earlier, we did everything together. So neither of us had really had our first kiss, yet. We vowed to have them both at the same time, but that's almost impossible to do. So one night, I was with my sister and I saw an old friend of mine that I used to have a huge crush on. And that was the day that I had my first kiss. The first person I told, of course, was my best friend. When I told her, she was really surprised and said, "Maybe I can get mine tomorrow!". It always seemed as though she were trying to compete with me. So I just supported her. I made her promise not to tell anyone about the kiss. I wanted it to be a secret. And she promised to keep it.

Then one day, I came to school and everything was fine. When I got to my second hour, one of Octavia's new friends passed me a note. The note said:

What's this I hear about you kissing Mitchel? I thought you were a wholesome girl. 

When I read the note, tears of anger and hurt started to stream down my face. Octavia used to always say that we would be friends forever and ever. So I guess forever didn't last always, huh?

Mitchel

[Just to let my readers know, all of the names have been changed from real life to protect the identities of those who wish to remain withheld.] 

Okay. I just want to let you guys know that I am a girl who has somewhat great taste in boys. I have amazing taste in vanilla guys, but okay taste in African American guys. I have had my share of very cute vanillas and in chocolates..... Okaaaay...

 But right now, what's on my mind is the guy who I shared my first kiss with. Mitchel isn't really all that but I had a crush on him for the longest time and felt like I was finally getting my chance with him. He's funny, tall, and has a nice body but he's just not that cute. But at the time, I thought he was very attractive!

 We don't go to the same school. He's a grade older than me. I remember everything about him. But recently, I decided to stop talking to him b/c I saw him at a basketball game where he wanted to be fake around all of his friends. So for a while I didn't text him at all. 

 On valentine's day, I received a text from him saying "hay. happy valentines day". so i replied and we got to talking again. I remembered how before, whenever he would text me, I got giggly and happy on the inside. I think some of those old feelings came back again. :( I'm gonna try not to like him anymore, but after all, he was my first kiss. I really really really liked him. 

 I decided to tell my friend [his ex] about the situation and she explained to me why they were no longer dating- he was a "player" and tried to flirt with other girls at the school that he is currently attending. I had heard before that he was a player but I just didn't wanna give up what we had. I liked him too much to listen to  what other people said. I knew that he flirted with me a lot when he had other girlfriends but I just ignored it. I decided to leave him alone from then on out.

 But one day, I was hanging out with one of my friends who is also really good friends with Mitchel. They go to the same school and she told me that he already had a girlfriend. A few days before this, he told me that he was single. So, Angelica explained that he got a new girlfriend a couple days after him and his ex broke up. So, I, of course, was a little upset that he didn't tell me about this before b/c he was still flirting with me afterwards. That was when I cut him off completely. But I stil think about him a lot. Is that normal???

Blog Numero Uno

So, I read a book about a girl who has a secret online blog for a couple of her friends to read and I thought, hmm... Why don't I start a blog?? wouldn't that be awesome?? And so here I am typing this blog to probably millions of people who may or may not read this. I hope some people do read this, though. 

Well, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Andrea, but you can call me Andi :). I am 13 years old and I run this blog!! 

Well since this is my first blog, I guess I should tell you some words to describe me... Those words will be: fun, sweet, polite, energetic, blessed, Christian, tomboy, girly, cute, stylish, sports-loving, and intellectual. 

I am a fun-loving party animal and I like to dance and sing! :) You should grow to love me! :) I hope you enjoyed this blog and all the others that are coming soon! Thanks so much for reading!

God bless! :)