My Family

Today's the day. The last day of church services at my church in Lawrence, Antioch Community Church. For the last two years, Antioch has been so much to me. It's been my home away from home, my community, my family. Antioch has been one of the few things in college that remains constant through the numerous changes that come with being a college student, and after tonight, I think that all of that will be over.
However, instead of sulking over what is no longer and dwelling on the former things, I am choosing now to reflect on some of the blessings that have come with being apart of such a deep and lively community... Here are those blessings:
1. I've learned what it means to love my neighbor, to embrace the body of Christ, and to honor and bless those that hurt me--intentionally or unintentionally. This has been and continues to be a huge challenge being in this community, but it's taught me so much of what is near to God's heart and what it looks like to really truly deeply love people. And that really isn't always easy.
2. I've learned the importance of discipleship, community, and walking with people who love Jesus towards the Father with transparency and vulnerability. Again, this has not been an easy thing to learn, but it's been SO GOOD for my spiritual and emotional health! It's helped me to see God from the perspectives of many different people and to hear the hearts of others for the Lord and for the desires that he's given them!
3. I've learned  of God's immense love for every single person on this earth. I've learned that God has chosen people to receive Christ and that, although he's chosen people, not everyone wants to receive him. In addition, I've also learned the importance of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with people regardless of whether or not they wish to receive his free gift of salvation.

I've learned so much by being part of this community, and I've been able to let down my guard to be freely who I am called to be. I've found a family that loves me and loves Jesus and spurs me on to doing good works and encourages and challenges me to be even more the woman that God created me to be. *HEAVY SIGHS*

And now it's over. In some sense, it's over.


But the Lord is good and he is faithful. And although he causes grief, he has compassion. He comforts us in all of our afflictions. He causes these broken bones to rejoice in his name. And he works literally everything out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes.
He is sovereign.
He gives and takes away.

And he is good. I will bless his name because he is the only constant in my life.

I Forget

Sometimes I forget....
I forget about that lonely night in my bedroom in Kansas City where you met my heart so sweetly. The night that I was left without the hope of receiving love from what I once thought was an unconditional source... I often forget that night. And I forget the way that you suddenly appeared to me after tenderly whispering "Come" and I came. Only a small pace did I take in your direction, but I heard the gentle beckon and began my reluctant pursuit. But the part that I tend to forget is your hurried response to my weak and uncertain "Yes"....

Every now and then I have trouble remembering that heavy night that I snuck back into my dorm room on 14th and Louisiana. The shame, the guilt, and the disgust I felt come to mind much more often because those feelings are all too familiar. I find it hard, however, to recall the comforting embrace that told me "You're forgiven" when that was the last thing I wanted to hear. Your overwhelming grace that surrounded every part of my heart and each member of the body that I'd already deemed condemned and damned enveloped me.. But that's what I tend to forget.

It seems that almost every single day I need reminding of those days when I would walk the long way to class just to talk with you and to hear your voice--your soothing, calming, thundering, tremendous, gentle, passionate, sweet, warm voice. I forget hearing you say to me "You need me" because I oftentimes just feel like I can do it all by myself. And I just forget... I forget that apart from you I can do nothing.

So I just go on about my day without listening to your gentle beckons and sweet, sweet summons... All you want is just to whisper in my ear of your love for me. You just want to wrap me up in your warm and forgiving arms--your arms that know no shame! You just want to hold me so tightly in a never-ending embrace of love--true love. The ONLY love that's not hard to find, the only love that's forever focused on ME. The only love that gives me what I so selfishly desire--desire! Because you just desire to be with me, to hold me, to speak to me, to love me, to know me, to behold me....

Your love--I just forget how sweet it really is. But you are so kind, so faithful to remind me. Of your love <3

Mi Verano Hasta Ahora... Y Qué Viene

Lord, have mercy! Friends, there's just A TON that I'd like to share about my summer, and I don't even know where to begin!

I suppose I'll start with what life's been like being home! It's been HARD! Oh my goodness, it's been hard! I am not working while I am in Kansas City this summer, so that leaves a lot of time to...ya know... Rest, I suppose! So, that's basically what I've been doing! Resting, cleaning up, spending good quality time with friends and family members, and trying my absolute best to seek what the Lord has for me in this season. I felt like before this summer started that the Lord spoke the word "uncomfortable" over this summer for me. And lemme tell ya--that's been pretty spot-on so far!



Being at home without working has given me loads of free time, which I am SO not used to. I don't know that I've ever had a season of life that wasn't busy--at least not since sometime in early high school! So, being at home without working has been a challenge. I think that through those challenges, though, I learned to seek the Lord for new ways to seek him! Lol. It's strange, but it's good. And I've also just kind of learned to not compare my season of life to those of others; what the Lord has for me right now is for me right now. And I will receive it with open hands and open heart!

Then..... I went to Tijuana, Mexico!!!!!!! While in Mexico, I personally got to witness/lead about 5 people to the Lord and also saw the Lord do so much in me throughout the trip! A couple of specific things that I believe the Lord did in me I'd like to share. One was basically showing me that when I delight in Him, he is faithful to give me the desires of my heart! The trip as a whole to Mexico was a dream come true, to say the least, and NONE of that would've been possible had I not drawn near to the Lord to delight in him. Praise God for His faithfulness, okay?!






Second, the Lord just showed me that He can and will use me when I make myself available to Him. On one of our last days there on the trip, I was on the beach with a few friends just for leisure and having a good time. We'd had set outreach times, but this was just a time to do whatever we pleased. As I was on the beach, I went to a food cart for a snack, and long story short, a girl ended up giving her life to Jesus right then and there! It was insane and I was so thankful that the Lord wanted to include me in what He was doing! I didn't have to do anything special but just be open to letting the Lord use me.. And thank God that that's what He wants to do!



So, the rest of my summer will also look a bit different than normal for me. On July 16th I'll travel to Selma, AL (again) for an internship with an amazing group of people that LOVE JESUS and seek to display His love and His freedom in their lives! Can I just say that I'm thankful?! I am SO THANKFUL that the Lord continues to open doors for me.. Doors that allow me to grow amongst other believers.. Doors that allow me to see different cultures and experience the way different people serve and worship Him...

I'm just thankful.

Life Is Happening

Oh my goodness.
Where do I even begin.
This month marks 6 months (that's half a year, folks) of being intentionally single. Of consecrating myself for the Lord, and seeking to deepen my relationship with Him and Him alone! What a ride this has been!

At the moment I should be studying for finals, but here's what I'm actually doing. I'm writing this blog post because I am so anxious. Here's what's happening in my life.

Yes, I am single for at least the next 6 months, but there's an extremely wonderful and amazing guy that's interested in pursuing me. That scares, excites, and frustrates me. For lots of reasons, but I'm not gonna put them all here. And so, persevering with this dating fast is H-A-R-D HARD.... I need help.

"Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."
Luke 1:45

I'm going to Tijuana this summer. Both of my parents are terrified. I am not. Why? Because God said go. What I am terrified of, though, is telling my parents that God said go and genuinely showing them that I would like to honor them in this decision to go. Terrified. Why and I terrified of this? Because all my life I've pretty much always wanted to just please my parents. And lately I've been feeling like God's been showing me that I can honor them and obey Him at the same time. Because ultimately, obeying and honoring Him is what's most important. Help me, God, to honor my parents through this decision to follow you. Help me to trust you and trust that you know what you're doing. Give me PEACE, Lord. Give me you.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7


My life is taking off, you guys! I am so nervous right now; I'm a big ball of anxiety and nerves and thrill and excitement. I don't know what to do with it all. But I know that God's truth is SO MUCH BIGGER than all of my feelings and emotions. And God sits on the throne of my heart, guarding it so that whatever comes from it comes from Him. He keeps me at perfect peace, and those who trust in the Lord shall not be put to shame.

This... I just need this right now. I need truth. Because I don't feel truth. I feel fear. But God is gracious, merciful, and good.


LORD HELP ME. <3 p="">

Do Not Be Deceived...

All my life I'd heard the verse in Galatians 6:7 that reads, "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap" (ESV). And when I heard this verse, I always believed that it had close to the same meaning as the Buddhist idea of karma, which basically tells us that "What goes around comes around". I believed this to be true until I saw a quote one day on Pintrest that made me think otherwise. The quote read: "Karma [means that] we get what we deserve. Christianity [means that] Jesus got what we deserved." And, because that quote sounded so much more like Biblical truth, I began to ask God what exactly he meant by that verse in Galatians 6.

So here's some of the revelation that I've gotten from the Lord so far. In the fifth chapter of Galatians, Paul tells the Christian church in Galatia that, because Jesus set us free, we must walk in the freedom that is provided us through the Holy Spirit. We do this by walking in the Spirit, instead of walking by the flesh. He makes it a point even outline what the works of the flesh are, so as to avoid any confusion. They are "sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies and things like these" (v. 19 & 20, ESV). So if these are the works of the flesh and we are to avoid those, there must be works of the Spirit that we should wanna cling to, right?

Thankfully, Paul outlines what those are too. He calls them the fruit of the Spirit in verses 22 & 23. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..." (ESV).

So what on earth does all this have to do with what Paul says in Galatians 6:7???
Well, in verse 8 of Galatians chapter 6, Paul explains what he means by verse 7, and how all of chapter 5 plays into it all as well. Verse 8 reads, "For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life" (ESV). Praise Jesus, right?! So, verse 7 doesn't mean that whatever we do to others will eventually be done unto us, or that our actions reap the merited consequences of them; what it means, though, is that we must be careful what we are feeding ourselves and pay attention to whether we are sowing into the flesh or the Spirit. If we feed, or sow into, the flesh (i.e., the works of the flesh, mentioned in Gal. 5:19-20), we will reap corruption. That sounds befitting, right? But if we sow into the Spirit by partaking in the Word of God, seeking God daily, and delighting in the things of the Lord, we will reap eternal life. God promised it, so it's true.
Hope this blesses y'all!

Fearless

I wanna be fearless.
I wanna look at what's before me--the mess that my life has become, the hopeless and broken girl collapsed on my bed, the hurtful words of my mom that pierce my soul--and have no fear.
I want to hear doubtful whispers that you aren't even real, that if you were real you wouldn't care.... I want to hear every single lie and be fearless.

I wanna trust you without fear. I wanna be face to face with the devil and stand with courage because you are real. Fearless.

God, make me fearless.

GOD, okay?

Where do I even begin??? I just wanna tell you all about everything the Lord's been doing in my life, but I just feel that one blog post is not gonna cut it... Ehh, I'll try anyway :)

First off, my winter break was OMG SO BOMB. Before going into any new or different season of life, I like to pray and ask God what he has for me in that season. I do this because I like to have a clear vision for what's ahead and then pray into that; whatever God wants for me, that's what I want for me cuz IT'S GOOD! So I'd prayed a lot for the things I wanted to see during my winter break--mainly just to have good, quality time with my family members and friends because it's so easy to waste time when we're together. I feel like I've done that all my life--just got together with family and enjoyed myself but didn't leave knowing anything more about them. I feel as though that's a waste of time; I don't want to only know surface-level information about my family members, I want to go deep!
So the Lord did that in so many ways. I had the chance to confront some latent issues that I'd had with my mom, feelings of resentment and hostility were confronted and I know that the Lord is beginning a work in that area. I was able to spend great time with my aunt who I feel as though I barely know! I got a chance to have deep conversations with my sister and I even got to pray with 2 of my closest friends!!! It was powerful and wonderful and GOD IS GREAT.

So the portion of my break where I was at home was, without a doubt, successful! For the final week of Winter Break, I went to Selma, Alabama to volunteer on an Alternative Break! And, as I love to pray into different seasons of life, I didn't really get a chance to pray into this one, and that kind of concerned me. But OH MY GOSH, God blew that thing all the way up! It was AMAZING and completely life-changing.
The organization that my group volunteered with--Something New Organization, formerly known as the Freedom Foundation--is not a Christian based organization. But most of its volunteers all attend the same church together, live in community together, and FREAKING LOVE JESUS!! It was such an amazing experience to actually feel God's love and see the Gospel lived out by people who didn't even need to say Jesus' name. You could just FEEL the love of God all throughout that place and it was extraordinary! Not only were the people that we met amazing but God also did some wonderful things for me personally while I was there... God just gave me CLEAR VISION of what it is that he's calling me to do. I now know that I am called to start up a mentorship program through the schools in Wyandotte County! It's not what I had planned before but if God has that for me, I want it... So Ima just do it. <3 p="">

Umm.. That's my winter break but since then, there have been other amazing things that the Lord's been doing in my life!

For starters, it is totes true that God works everything out for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose! Would you like evidence of that? Great!
So during my freshman year of college, I made the HUGE mistake of befriending a guy who was just not so good for me. What started off as a merely platonic relationship between 2 strangers soon (exactly 2 weeks after meeting) became a disastrous, unhealthy, toxic, sexual affair. It was probably one of the most difficult spiritual battles that I had encountered and entertained during my freshman year of college; it'd brought about so much shame and guilt that I didn't wish to shine a light on with anyone really. I'd gone through a cycle of obedience to God by cutting the guy out of my life and disobedience to God by welcoming him back into my life that was impeding growth and honestly tearing me apart emotionally. I finally completely cut the guy out of my life (by blocking his number and deleting and blocking him on Facebook and Twitter) in early October of 2015 and I believed for sure that that door was completely closed. Little did I know that the door would be reopened in a new way only a few months later.
So in January of 2016, I butted in on a conversation between a couple of friends and found out that the guy with whom I'd had that long, terrible, draining, and awful affair had been having an affair similar to ours with a girl that I'd be working extremely closely with; she and I were on an executive board of an organization together! Now, you know that that's supposed to be a disaster, right?!? Well, upon finding out that information, I initially just knew that the girl and I needed to sit and down talk it through. So that's what we did--we talked, we exchanged experiences (which were quite similar, might I add), and we PRAYED for each other... 

I was filled with SO MUCH JOY. The Lord worked out that whole disaster of a situation that I probbaly shouldn't have been in in the first place for the good of both of us. The situation has since brought the two of us closer, which is such a blessing because situations like that typically don't end well. To this day I'm still kind of shocked and healing from that experience. I'm learning to forgive that guy for the lies he told and the ways in which he hurt me, but I know that God will continue to reveal himself to me through the process. The process hurts from time to time, but it's good and meaningful. And if I allow God to have every piece of pain that I feel, I know that he is faithful to give me beauty for ashes.....


I hope that all this encourages you guys! God's amazing! Living a life of surrender unto him is SO WORTH IT!