Thursday, December 10, 2015

Oh Ma Gosh.

Today is the day--the last day of classes in the Fall semester of my sophomore year of college. My goodness, everyone! Can we just recap the year puh-lease?!?
The semester started off well... I remember having some apprehensions towards just about everything! My co-workers, my residents, living on The Hill, my classes! I remember just trusting that the Lord would take care of me through it all. And then, it wasn't even a scary thing! It was just beautiful and amazing! From the get-go I remember just feeling the Lord say that he's got me; that he would surround me with the people that I needed to be surrounded with and that I had no need to worry... It was fantastic!

So, mid-September got rough. One of my residents ended up trying to commit suicide and having to go back home. The exact same day as that happened, I was reconnected with an ex-"something" and that added so much stress that did not need to be in my life. I remember that night feeling so hopeless, helpless, and overall just like a terrible person. The enemy had attacked like crazy and I thought for sure I would break down... The next morning I got up super early though, and went to spend time with the Lord. And in my time with Him, I heard the Lord constantly saying "The joy of the Lord is your strength; the power that is in you is the same power that rose Christ from the dead; no, you can't handle this on your own, but you've already been equipped by the Holy Spirit to endure." SO MUCH RELIEF. The Lord is faithful, man.

I ended up walking right into temptation and sin with my ex-"whatever" and that had a huge effect on me, spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally. It was and still is tough sometimes, just having those memories in my mind. But I soon after ended things with him (for like the third and final time). That is like one of the most difficult things to deal with this semester, but the Lord is faithful and he is good and I have life in him....

So, there's obviously been a whole lot more going on in my life but let's just recap the lessons that I've learned this semester....
1. Bear one another's burdens, but cast ALL your cares on him. I spent so much time being stressed about my residents, my co-workers, my friends, my classmates, AND my problems all at the same time.. But none of those problems are for me to fix. The Lord delights in taking on our burdens. He loves it when I, drained and exhausted, unload every single burden at his feet. His yoke is easy and his burden is light.... Dude, just unload!
2. The Lord delights in showing mercy! What the heck! He wants to LOVE ME through my sin!! OMG! That was a HUGE revelation to me just because I know that I don't at all deserve that. After sinning I feel disgusting, shameful, guilty, ugly, unholy, dishonorable, and the least deserving of love! But those feelings are simply the enemy trying to get me to run from God when the Lord wants me to run to him! It's literally insane the amount of love he has for us and I will never fully understand.
3. People are kind of sucky sometimes. It is what it is. I suck, you suck, he sucks, she sucks... But man, the Lord has grace! Grace beyond measure and, if he's willing to extend that grace to me, who the heck am I to withhold that from someone else? Grace has been hard this semester but, the more I ask Him for grace, the more grace I have to give. The Lord is so faithful, y'all!!
4. The Lord wants me to wait to date. And I'm okay with it cuz he knows what's good for me. So, until I turn 21, I am consecrating myself for the Lord. Just me and him for year 20 and it's gone be da bomb!
5. Some really wonderful opportunities came up this year, and I had to step down from my position on the executive board of IGV. It was honestly an easy decision to make but, once I had made it, I'd noticed that IGV was flourishing. I feel like the Lord has shown me that I'm not missing out on what he has for ME. He wants me to continue to run my race and the things that he has for me down the line will be there when he's ready for me to have them... So I will continue to trust in him.

Ugh. This entire semester I've just seen how kind the Lord is. Man, he put some really awesome people in my life and I can't even deny how grateful I am! I've been able to really connect with at least on person in all of my classes and it's just a blessing! To be blessed by wonderful people and to be able to be a blessing! Ha! I'm just freaking grateful. Today my heart is filled with so much peace, joy, and thankfulness.

I also decided that from today until January 1, 2016, I am not gonna be on social media. I want to prepare my heart and mind for this upcoming year and I have been saying for so long now that I need to get off of social media for a while. Well, Ima just do it! <3 nbsp="">

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