Where I'm Goin...

It's been a really long time, bloggies. Like almost 3 months!! I realize that probably no one even reads these posts, and so I'm kinda just talking to the blog itself. And I'm cool with that.
I just really felt like today I need to recap.... I need to just pour out a lotta stuff in reflection of what's been going on in my life...
Let's see... Since we last spoke, I've experienced quite a bit. My first semester of college ended (on a solid note, I might add), I journeyed through the holidays with family and friends, I've started being discipled by a sweet and joyful woman at my church in Lawrence... Lots is happening and God is moving in weird and strange and wonderful and mysterious ways.....
Sometimes I just wanna pour out all of my freaking emotions on here but I'm afraid.. Because what if someone does read this? It's not even a fear of people knowing my struggles, but more so a fear of them misunderstanding them. I have no issues with people misunderstanding me when I tell them my struggles but when it's posted online I believe that's something totally different.
Anyhow, last semester ended on a strange note. I experienced so much of God's grace, as I am a deeply flawed human being. Aren't we all? Yeah... And I ended up doing things I'd never thought I'd do. I put myself in situations for which I'd once judged others.... And that's kind of been a theme in my life. Me judging people for doing things I'd never thought I'd do... Then I do it. Bam. Smack in the face, right?
Well I'm learning not to judge others anymore... But even more so, I'm learning how deep God's love is for me! Like I experienced... I actually FELT GOD saying that it doesn't even matter how badly I've messed up. He loves me like crazy and only sees me as his daughter--holy, righteous, and redeemed. And that blew my mind....
Right now. At this exact second I feel as though I wish God would show me more. I'm at a strange point in my walk with him, I think.. I feel like sometimes I can feel his presence and other times I can't. I feel like sometimes the people that he's placed in my life can relate to me and sometimes they just can't. I feel like I'm very alone but at he same time I feel like I'm more surrounded by people who love me and care about me and my walk with Christ than ever!


God values us all. There's something unique about every single person on this earth and what they contribute to the Kingdom is so very unique to that one person.
I just wanna go deep with someone. I wanna go so deep that I can tell someone everything I'm feeling and know that they'll get it! They'll understand what I'm talking about no matter what I say. Or they'll at least be able to relate in some way, shape, or form....
I keep thinking through decisions that I've made and will have to make and I'm just kind of stumped. Like I'm trying to figure it all out and it's just not working! And then I'm like "okay, God. So I can't figure this out.. I should ask you about it..." But then I'm afraid that I won't actually experience God's presence. That's scary, right?

I know that I love God a lot. More than anything else and more than anyone else.... My life revolves around him. I think that's all I know at this point. I can't really come to any other conclusions about the way things are or the way they should be...
That's all I got.