So I know what's right.. And I know what's wrong.. Ok. I get it.. I get that when you're done you're done.. I get it.. And I do not want you to be done with me.. I don't..
I'm gonna try not to use the word "but" in this at all (Nahshon) :).
I wish you could understand where I'm coming from so that I could tell you all this.. I guess I'm just not ready for that.. I don't know why.. Just like you said she's gonna end up doing what she wants.. Well I guess same with me.. And I guess I just need to figure this one out on my own.. Maybe this is just a phase.. Maybe... I mean I don't know.. But... Pray for me.. And I mean I guess try to help me.. But not to the point where I feel like I'm being judged.. And if I'm not then I guess that's just my guilt huh?
I mean I've been doing just what I wanted to do for not a while but recently.. And I know that I probably shouldn't... But please just let me learn this on my own..
I just feel so weird whenever we're around each other now because it's like it's always in the back of my mind.. I don't know... Just... Let's pray.. Together.. Please.. Let's pray together.. Because I want us to stay together... Forever... You're my sister.. We need to stay together.. I love u.. Please just let me learn on my own.. I won't know unless I try.. And I'm trying.. I know that when I play with fire I will get burned.. Just pray for me please.. Please..
And I'm sorry for not telling you all that's going on.. I just don't think you would understand.. I really want to tell you because I don't really have anyone to tell.. I've told Enrique... But he's just not a good listener.. :P
But let me know what you're thinking...
Love you.
well first...i cant learn your lessons for you. Ur right, you'll have to learn them on your own. But just as with Aliyah, if I know somethings wrong I'm gonna speak up. It'd be wrong if I didn't. I'm tryna help you out...purposely living in sin is not what God wants. But it's not my battle. I've already said everything God has placed on my heart to say and I'm now leaving you alone...and i don't mean that negatively. I'm jus being honest. After you've done all you can, you just stand and well, I'm standing. Talking on the phone to and texting "people" everyday is not gonna help..jus to let you know.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it must be guilt b/c I don't judge anyone...I do not carry that right whatsoever. I've never judged you..or anyone in our fam that's done wrong. But like I said, if i know somethin is wrong I'm gonna speak up..thats jus me, take it or leave it. The feeling weird feeling is probably guilt as well b/c i don't feel that way.
Now, you said "I wont know unless I try". So, are you gonna drink, smoke cigs, smoke weed and get high, do some off the wall drugs and stuff, jump off a cliff, shave ur head bald, sled off the roof of the house...because you won't know what those things are like unless you try them??? You don't have to taste the donut to know it's sweet..you don't have to stick your foot in the burning flame to decide if it's hot or not.
But as i said i can't learn anything for you and i can talk/type til im blue in the face...yes, we can pray together and yes i'll pray for you. But as i've said b4 why try to stop drinking and say you want to stop if you're still gonna drink everyday. At some point the alcoholic must realize that in order to get better, they must do better. God is a healer, most definitely, but we have got to meet him at least part of the way.
Also, you've got to see my standpoint. What happened when aliyah and teetee told me all that stuff...i got depressed. My spirit can not handle certain things..especially when it's my family and ppl i care about doing destructive things. Not saying i'm perfect b/c the same happens to me when i may do somethin destructive...sooo, i'm jus stayin away from the matter cuz my spirit is gonna "burst"...if that makes sense.
Anyway, i love you, God loves you and i'll be praying.