Shhh! Don't Never Tell Nobody!

Blogger.com, you are my online diary.

To whomever is following and reading my posts, same goes to you!

So, I just hope that you're all trustworthy.

Because when I log on and pour out my innermost thoughts and feelings, I don't really think twice.

I just type. And it all flows together as if I were talking to a real person.

But I'm not.

Just blogger.com.

And whomever is following and reading.

Can You See Me

Can you see me?

Like how I see you. How I observe you.

Can you see me searching?

Can you see me trying?

Can you see me being something that I am unsure of?

Can you see me searching for someone to be like?

Can you see how hard it is, too?

Can you see that I am me right now but I don't even know who me is because the me I've been in the past has changed so many times that I don't even know which me I am today?

The me I thought I knew was preppy.

She was funny, cute, and girly.

But then she was tomboyish. She was trying to be ghetto.

Bisexual.

She was impure. Then she was pure and the holiest of holy.

She spoke her mind and had not a care.

But who is she now? Who is me now and who am I?

And can you see who I am even though I can't?

Can you see me beyond the layers of clothes I dress myself in to cover up my insides?

Can you see me past the shades I threw on this morning?

Can you see me?

Me inside of the outer me.

Can you see she?

Go My Own Way

I'm sorry for leaving. I guess I just didn't fit in right.

But the sad thing is that I don't fit in anywhere.

This isn't some sob story about how I'm trying to figure myself out again.

Just apologizing for leaving the group.. To find myself.

And do you know where I am now?

Me either.

But getting away helped.

Branching off and isolating myself so that I could define myself without the pressure of conforming to who you all were brought a little bit more clarity to who I really am.

And I thank you for being there for me when I needed a group to depend on.

When I needed to call myself something. And I did.

But I don't anymore.

I'm still searching.

But thank you for being there when I needed you.

If I ever had to choose a group of people to hang with... It'd be you guys.

... Carolyn, Gina, Ashlyn, Hannah, Chinera. :)

I See You

I see you

Wearing those new clothes, putting on new shows

Fitting in with the 'in' and those of the like

Finding yourself in your friends own identities

Not realizing that towards yourself, there is enmity

When you reach out and grab whatever's in your reach

At anyone's exspense so you can learn, then teach

Those surrounding you how to be just like

Those ones in the media who are living the good life

I see you...

I see you reaching out and begging for help

Not knowing who YOU are, so you scream out

help

And no one comes, so you just take what you see

Just doing like those that you've seen on TV

Not even caring who knows or sees what you do

Just to be accepted and all to be cool.

That's cool what you do because it gets you by

When your friends see you they all shout 'yeah, you fly'

But you don't even notice your peering bystanders

Who watch what you do and all of your mannerisms

I see you.

Fighting. Trying. Searching.

Not finding.

But I see you

trying.

Love, Love, Oh What a Love :)

Umm.. This is a pretty random post.

I'm just pretty happy with my life right now.. So I thought I'd go ahead and let yall know!

:)

Thanks for reading!

What a Girl Gotta Do to Get Some Biscuits Up in Here?!?

Is there some kind of law that applies to everyone that only makes certain people popular?

I would like to say that popularity isn't important to me, but would I be typing about it if it weren't?

I don't know.

But I would just like to know that I could be popular if I wanted to be.. But just choose not to be.

But when I think about that for a while... I'm not so sure that I could be.

Attitude is EVREYTHING!

I am soooooooo doggone tired of being on teams with girls who have stank attitudes!

It sucks! Big time! And we're ever gonna win, we need to play as a team and be on one accord.

Which means...

We need to lose the tudes! ASAP!

Doctor! Doctor! There's a Green Monster On My Back!

Jealousy.

I've always tried to boost myself up by thinking others down.

Never did I realize it until just this moment, right now.

I've lost so many friends because they were "jealous" of me.

And I thought I can't help it if I'm beautiful. But very little did I see.

I saw with my eyes and not with my mind. Oh yes, I was very cute.

And I could never befriend another cutie. Oh no, they'd surely get the boot.

And now that boot has come right back to kick me in the rear.

So you have ll my attention now, God. Please just let me hear.

My Apologies...

This post is dedicated to a few of my exes.

I would like to apologize for being flirtatious with you all simply to feed my own ego.

I've mentioned earlier in my blog a book that I am reading called "Every Young Woman's Battle" by Shannon Ethridge. In the book, she talks about having the right motives when approaching guys about relationships and all that. I've only approached one guy, myself, and my motives were totally selfish!

I've never approached any other guy, but I think I just wanted a boyfriend to say I had one. And other times, I just wanted one so that there would be someone there adoring and praising me.

This is not something that I'm proud of, but I think I need to admit the truth and apologize for any pain I may have caused.

I am so sorry if any hearts were broken in the process of building up my ego.

I pray that you all can forgive me and also that I can forgive myself.

I don't want to have to carry the emotional baggage into future relationships and I hope that you guys don't have to do that, either.

I sincerely apologize and I hope you guys accept.

 I pray that all of you guys' future relationships are blessed and that you all are, as well.

Much love to you guys. :)

-Andrea Johnson

No Genre: B.o.B Mixtape

If it were possible to give it 2 bajillion thumbs up....

I'd do that.

But instead, I'm giving it two thumbs, two pointer fingers, two middle fingers, two ring fingers, and two gray-purple pinkies.

I have yet to listen to the whole mixtape.. BUT.. I L♥VE B.o.B, so I doubt that I'll be disappointed.

So far, I've listened to 'Higher', 'Beast Mode', 'Fly Like Me', and 'So-So'.

I love them ALL! 

'Err last one of 'em! :) Check it out!

Support mi esposo futuro ;)

TEXTS YOU Everyday

I just received a forward text message from a friend.

I usually just take the time to read like the first line, then close the text.

Because who has time for that right? ... Unless it's something really inspirational or something.

But anyway, back to the forward!

It was one of those flashy ones that comes with a picture and all that.

I always at least look at those.

But I am so hung up on the very first two lines of the text.

They read:

"The perfect guy will:

*Text you everyday....."

Can you believe that?! That is the EXACT reason I do not have a boyfriend right now; people nowadays think it's enough to just text.

My last ex thought that was enough. We had a summer relationship and he had just moved to Missouri.

It wasn't that far, but seeing as neither of us had our driver's license yet, we should've been in constant communication if it was gonna work out, right?

I mean, not constant, but ya know? If we liked each other as much as we said we did, we would've wanted something like that.

Anyway.. I just though I would broadcast the twisted minds of this world.. 

Because, to me, texting is NOT enough... AT ALL.

Suddenly I See

YES; this is a random post.

It has no hidden meaning or symbolism.

I was just on this girl's blog. She had a playlist of songs on her page.

The first song was called "I Am Me Once More" by Zee Avi.

I've never heard of this artist and I've never heard of this song.

But I loved the song.. So I went to Frostwire to download said song.

Could NOT find it.

But it made me think of the song "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall.

So here I am typing on www.blogger.com...

:)

My Crazy Big Sis

"Note this:

I'm sorry for calling you gay.

-Sincerely Ashli Johnson"

LMBO!

You're My New Addiction

Listening to "Addiction" by Jaelife.

Great song!

You can get it on the album "Eight Tracks 2 Ipods" at http://www.sacredapparelmixtapes.com/

... And many other Christian artists :)

Dancin & Singin & All That Jazz

OHHHHHH how I love to dance to a song with a fantastic beat

and excellent bass!

REALLY loud in my headphones

or just blast it in the car...

Straight up jammin!

Can ya dig it? :)

No More

"I know I wanna sin, but I've been born again"

Listening to "No More" by 116 Clique.

EXCELLENT freakin song, guys!

I would advise you to check it out especially if you're saved and struggling with the same old sin that you know you don't need.

"My love for God is greater than the lust that I offered you!"

Grrrrreat song!

I'm Goin In!

I'm trying to understand why I continue to fall.

I know that I don't have to.. Sin is no longer my master. I'm not a slave to sin according to Romans 6:14.

But have I really been set free?

Because if I were set free, then I wouldn't keep going back to this.

And it wouldn't still be a major issue in my life.

Prayers, please?

The Wedding Bed

Gosh, I never realized what an amazing gift God has given us... Sex!

It's truly amazing how a man and woman can be joined together to produce no only excitement but children as well.

I'm reading this book called "Every Young Woman's Battle" and it has really shed some light on the true meaning of sex.

A lot of people think they should be sexually experienced coming into a marriage so that you know what you're doing.

But as Shannon Ethridge explains, if you have sex before marriage, you'll compare your husband to all the other men you've had before him. God created sex for marriage so that when you do have sex, it will be with someone you are equally yoked with and you won't have to worry about comparing that person to another.

I can't wait to finish reading this book!

It makes me feel a lot better about keeping my virginity till marriage :)

I hope you all can stay encouraged to do the same!

It's no secret...

It's no secret; you admire me.

And yes, you even admitted it.

So how bout we grow up and act like it..

We're not in elementary school anymore, hun.. Not even middle school

This is HIGH school. Which means we're on a higher level of thinking and learning.

And we should be behaving on a higher level as well..

Why should I have to tell you this when you're almost a grown man?

Grow up.

Grow some balls.

And quit thinkin you're too cool for somebody.

We're just about on the same level here; might as well act like it.

Cause I most definitely have plenty other options. ;)

[... In a non-conceited way]

:)

.. James

Typing Out Every Little Thought That Pops Into My Head

... I feel bad for what I just did.
Lecrae says that the devil uses guilt. He shows us what we did and tells us we're a joke.. Well if I'm not supposed to feel guilty, then how am I gonna give God a sincere apology??
I'm tired of going through this to be quite honest with you. I don't understand why God put me in this situation or any of the ones that led to this. I just don't get how he can possibly think that I can handle this when I continue to mess up..
But maybe he knows I can't handle it... ALONE! .. Maybe God is putting me through this so that I can depend on him and become spiritually stronger..
I just wanna know what other 15 year old has to go through this.. And has had to go through it for a good 5 years...

CAN I JUST BE DONE, GOD????!?!?!?!?